Finding a Kitty vs Finding a Man

I thought that I would break routine and do a whimsical post. Please note that I am not returning to posting pics, songs, or garbage flash fiction. I do reserve the right to occasionally post a poem however if the stars align. Without further ado, here is my comparison between finding a kitty and finding a man…

Visit a website full of cute photos and bios:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Feel overwhelmed at all the possibilities and try not to create a “shopping list,” but create one anyway in order to narrow down the options:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Focus on one particular possibility and obsess to the point that I run out and spend a whole bunch of money on litterbox/ lingerie/ bed/ toys/ special food, etc., since this is definitely The One:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

That possibility disappears from my life, and I decide the whole thing is pointless and why bother at all?

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Then I think no I really need someone but the heck with the websites… let’s go find someone in meatspace!

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Stumble upon a meatspace potential and immediately become emotionally invested, but it crumbles into a super weird sketchy situation:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Return to the online world older and wiser, maybe a bit jaded, but still holding on to my optimism that The One is out there:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

One of the rejected possibles begins harassing me via text, telling me I am too old and didn’t bake cookies, or asking for money:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

One of the rejected possibles threatens to take me to small claims court:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

Many of the rejected possibles turn out to already have their One and were just trolling online for kicks:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

After spending quality time with a possible, he ghosts me even if chip him and lock all the doors:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

He’s happy to cuddle with me on the sofa and rewatch the Mamma Mia movies every weekend:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ❌

He constantly complains about the meals I serve (or don’t serve):

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

He wakes me up in the middle of the night to yell about some random thing:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅

Messes up all my stuff and doesn’t help clean the house:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ✅ 

Tells me how to invest my money/ do my taxes / fix my car, etc., because obviously I haven’t been handling all these things just fine for years:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

Doesn’t care if I come home smelling like I’ve been with someone else:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ❌

Doesn’t mind if I talk about him behind his back and post his pic on FB/ Instagram:

Kitty ✅ 

Man ❌

Embarrasses me when my friends visit:

Kitty ❌

Man ✅

Is totally loyal to me and won’t eat my face if I die in my sleep before I fix his breakfast:

Kitty ❌

Man ❌

Is OK with another one of his kind coming to live with us:

Kitty ⚠️

Man ⚠️