Thoughts While Watching B29 Finale...

*****SPOILERS FOR SEASON 29 OF THE BACHELOR!*****

Tonight I am watching the 3-hour finale of the 29th season of the Bachelor, starring Grant Ellis and the two women who have lasted until the end, Litia and Juliana. This reminds me of Joey G’s season (28) when he couldn't decide between Daisy and Kelsey. Again, it feels like the guy couldn't go wrong with either woman. Grant seems like he is in love with both Litia and Juliana, and they both appear beautiful, kind, sweet, and fun. They both seem in love with him too, though I know that many people go on this show to end up with a "career" as an influencer, and I guess I wouldn't be able to tell if either woman were faking her feelings toward Grant. Trying to filter out fakes and liars is an issue with any dating situation though, not just on a TV show.

Note: Grant and Litia just told each other "I love you." I'm not a huge fan of people blurting that out when others are still in the picture. Juliana and Grant have not said it yet, which seems to bother his mother. I think it means that Juliana is more careful and possibly smarter than Litia. Why would you say ILY when you know that you might not be the one? The words should not be tossed out like a cookie to entice someone to propose.

Though I thought Jenn Tran from season 21 of the Bachelorette was adorable and bubbly, she annoyed me by keeping that awful Devin around episode after episode when he was such a jerk. It's a red flag when someone can't get along with the other contestants and constantly causes drama. I was utterly disappointed that she chose him to propose to at the end. It was no surprise to me that the relationship fell apart so quickly. However, despite the fact that I couldn't stand Devin, I did get the fact that when he watched the show and saw that Jenn had said ILY to Marcus first, Devin felt like he was her second choice (Marcus wasn't ready for a declaration of love by the end of the season).

OK, so Grant does say ILY to Juliana after they hang out with his parents. She says it back. What does it mean to love/be in love with two people at the same time? I don't know. I guess then you need to sort out your mushy gushy emotions from the logic of who would be best for you long term. Jesse has three former B's up on stage talking about how they were in love with more than one person by the end of the season. They're all saying "trust your feelings," which makes no sense if your feelings are telling you that you love two or three contestants. Then Jesse picks Joan out of the audience (from the first season of the Golden Bachelorette) who had vowed not to say ILY to any of the men until the very end because she did not want her final person to hear her say that to someone else when he watched the show. That makes total sense to me, and I think I would want to do it that way too. Even though your person is merely a hypothetical at the beginning of the season, it's super considerate to say hey when I do have my person as an actuality, I don't want them to think I was ambivalent. Not every feeling needs to be blurted out!

Yes, I realize that blurting out your feelings and crying on cue is probably a requirement to be chosen as a contestant in the Bachelor franchise.

So, I mentioned the other week (I think at Grace's?) that I believe there is one person out there for each of us. I don't believe this in any kind of religious way however; thus, I use the term "soulmate" loosely, as a matter of convenience for communication purposes. I do not believe in souls, in the sense that there is something separate from our bodies that will live on after we die, but this non belief doesn't preclude me from believing that there is one person (maybe more than one, in some cases) who will resonate best with us on all levels. The next logical question is out of all the billions of people on Earth, how is it possible to ever find your person? I think that for the majority of people your person is someone who is more like you than not. It's not a leap to believe that your soulmate could be the boy/girl next door, someone in your local community or a person you meet at college, at work, or through friends. I feel that dating sites/shows can help you find your person, even though the pool seems so random in these situations. But is it? The folks who go on the Bachelor Nation shows have many important traits in common: travel and adventure loving, extroversion, willingness to be a public spectacle, competitiveness, easily accessible emotions, etc. These synchronistic characteristics can be a good foundation to build a strong connection with contestants you vibe with.

But as I said, you have to filter out the fakes, if you can. Generally, it seems easier to bypass the issue of fakes when you meet peeps in your day to day life. The dating sites appealed to me for a while post divorce because it seemed that I could find someone more like me (a homebody, cerebral, into written expression, a lover of games and puzzles, a cat fancier, etc.) than the average guy, but alas that didn’t happen. I know people who have found their soulmates via dating sites, but more typically we hear that things don't work out ~ and not just that, but there are also a lot of horror stories. Criminals, scammers, psychos, stalkers, married folks pretending to be single, etc. At least we don't have those with Bachelor Nation couples. 

It's now the morning of the day that Grant is supposed to propose, and he's still torn between the two women. One thing he has said a few times, and again today, is that he can visualize Litia as his wife because she embodies all the characteristics he wants in a wife. Juliana, on the other hand, is more fun, he says. These comments indicate to me that his attraction to Litia is more cerebral because she ticks off all the items on his checklist, while his attraction to Juliana is more physical and emotional. So, if he really is supposed to listen to his heart (or gut), he should propose to Juliana.

And he rejects Litia. She is pissed. She reminds him (and us) of all Grant's declarations of love and how he said he could see her as his wife. I sympathize with her. During the interview with Jesse, Litia recalls how many times Grant implied or stated outright that she was the one. He shouldn't have said all that until he gave out his final rose. Joan nailed this concept, and future B's would do well to heed it. 

Speaking of soulmates, why didn't I find mine? Welp, I don't know that I didn't. Perhaps I didn't recognize him because of all my insecurities and baggage. It's not a given that we will have some kind of automatic or magical certainty that our person is here in front of us. Sometimes it might take a while to understand that this is the one, and I am not known for my patience. Now, in my 60s, I can imagine that I passed my person by for whatever reason. Or maybe he was someone I wanted, but he didn't recognize me. It happens. I am OK with it and have no desire to make any changes in my life at this point.

It's kind of cringe how Bachelor Nation makes the B have a heart to heart chat with the last person they rejected. I know it increases the drama factor, but ick. Thank God that in real life we can just ghost our bad dates, eh? Or even the good ones if for whatever reason we don't feel like continuing. I do like the "exit interview" with the happy couple, despite how clichéd the conversation is from all sides. 

So, that's that. Grant and Juliana are going to Italy for pizzas and cannolis, and I may or may not end up watching Bachelor in Paradise as I wait for the next Golden Bachelor season.