Break to Boost!

 

Meta AI image of me doing aerobics with Inky

Although it may sound paradoxical, I find that my productivity increases when I take a break, any kind of break. It’s really true what they say: at a certain point our brains just rebel, and we need to give them a boost by changing things up. This is never more obvious than when I am trying to write a novel. I’ll be cruising along totally in the zone, and then I hit a wall. The words quit flowing, my thoughts start to spin away from the task, and I end up just staring at the screen.

At that point, I have learned that it’s best to get up and do something else. For how long? Welp, a half-hour is the magic number for me. Since I want to keep up my fitness routine while participating in NaNo2, it’s a no-brainer to pop in a Leslie Sansone dvd and do her 30-minute “burn” or “firm,” or one of her two-mile walks, which are also about 30 minutes with the warmup and cooldown. It’s also good to do household chores for a half-hour or even play solitaire or read on my phone. The point is to look at something other than my novel-in-progress. (I don’t usually watch TV because I don’t find it helpful when I’m on a writing marathon.)

Last night was a great example of how this works for me. I hadn’t written a word all day, and when I arrived home at 6:30pm, I was tired. I made a cup of tea and ate a couple cookies. Then I wrote for a bit. The words weren’t pouring out that quickly however, so I did the 30-minute burn. After that, I was on fire! I wrote over 2,000 words! Granted, it was hard to stop and go to sleep, so there’s a downside, but hey that’s why they invented Diet Coke and cold brew latte. 

I should hit 20,000 words tonight, which puts me way ahead of pace, even given the day or two I will likely take off from writing later in the month. Sometimes around this point, I start thinking ugh this idea is dumb or I’ve botched up the order of scenes or whatever self-sabotage thing, and I contemplate dropping out. That’s not happening this time though. Hurrah!

Forgiveness Goes to the Gym

Image created by Meta AI

Wrapped in my pink Lululemon,

I resemble a cotton candy cloud,

But I am no weak-willed wuss—

I’m made of much tougher stuff.

As I open the gym door,

I can smell the sweaty desperation 

To be hard and unrelenting.

Accepting an apology 

Is like stepping on the treadmill:

A warm-up to the main event. 

When I hit those weights,

I focus on my own strength

Because it was never about you.

Forgiveness feels like

Racking that 25-pound dumbbell 

Back on the bar.

It’s no longer burdening me down;

You’re someone else’s problem now.

Soaking in the sauna

Releases the last gasp of stress—

The anger turned inward.

Steamy swirls of absolution 

Allow me to forgive myself

For ever trusting you. 

The tears of catharsis 

Drip onto rippled muscles,

And I’m soothed in a soft towel,

So much lighter,

So much freer.

Forgiveness is a gift to the giver.

~*~

Written for the Skeptic’s Kaddish W3 Prompt #235 hosted by Dennis Johnstone.

Alouette on Absence

Dandelion from Pixabay

fly away sweet bird

your song went unheard

until its absence was known

gentle alouette

how soon we forget

the bitter tears we have sown

infinity calls

another life falls

I too have glimpsed the abyss

I always step back

love keeps me on track

too many moments to miss

other people’s pain

the grief they sustain

beyond our comprehension

we extend a hand

trust slips through like sand

suspicious of intention

like ghosts on parade
the memories fade

and pass on leaving no mark

connect with like minds

bond quickly unwinds

then we’re alone with the dark

~*~

Alouette poetry (two or more stanzas of 5-5-7-5-5-7 syllables with rhyme scheme a-a-b-c-c-b) written for Tanka Tuesday 86, hosted by Melissa Lemay, and inspired by the passing of RJ Mitte (RIP).

Hodgepodge with Extra Noodles

Udon noodles with overlaid text (my photo)

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge this week by responding to the following questions. Since my personal posting has been a bit "light" lately, I can tell before I start that I will be going off-topic into a whole bunch of pointless meandering, which is why I used the Noodling image. Also, I haven't used it in a while. It's always a bit of a struggle with me to decide what to put "out there" in public on social media as I enjoy talking about myself and don't mind criticism over my ideas, but on the other hand I don't want to involve anyone else. It's sometimes hard to talk about my life without mentioning family or friends, but I have learned it's best to keep the mention of other people to an absolute minimum. 

1. Do you think you're driven more by curiosity or comfort? Explain. 

Comfort absolutely 100% no question. While I am intellectually curious, in my physical life I do not crave new experiences. I'm very strange that way compared to other people I know. I like being home. I enjoy eating familiar foods. I'm happy hanging out with the folks I already know as opposed to seeking new contacts. I will always choose the safe and boring over the exciting and different. At least, that's how I am now at age 65; when I was younger, I did try new things. Mostly that didn't work out so well. 

2. What non-food item is in your refrigerator or freezer? 

In the fridge I have soothing cucumber-aloe eye fresheners, although I haven't used them yet ~ I like to know that they're there. In the freezer there are a bunch of ice packs for my head and neck in case of a migraine. Lately though I haven't found the ice packs to be that helpful. It's better to take a hot shower and ingest some caffeine to repel an approaching migraine; if it's already a full-blown attack, then I have to take sumatriptan.

3. Are you comfortable with silence? If you're home alone, do you like silence or do you need regular background noise? Do you seek out times and places to be silent? What's your favorite place to find silence/be silent? 

I love silence! Actually, though, it's never truly silent for me as I have 24/7 tinnitus, plus there's always some kind of lowkey background noise going on, such as the humming of the fridge or the A/C or little kitty paws padding about. At night, I like to have a fan on at the lowest setting for both the white noise and the air circulation, which is a relatively new thing for me. I used to put on an animal documentary to fall asleep by, but I haven't done that for a while. The fan seems to do the trick. 

A lot of noise makes me anxious. I'm not talking about loud movies or music (although those can become unpleasant quickly), but people and machinery. When a bunch of people are all talking at once, I find it impossible to concentrate on anything and soon feel miserable. The same thing happens if a leaf blower is going or a truck is beeping or whatever loud, repetitive thing is conspiring to upset me. My headaches can be triggered from this, but even when they aren't, I just dislike it intensely.

Part of the reason I love staying home is the relative quiet here compared to other places. It seems that the nearby beaches would be perfect for a peaceful experience, and they are somewhat, but they're often windy, which isn't good for my head.

4. Carpentry, electrical, plumbing, landscaping...which skill would you most like to possess and how would you put that skill to use today?

I would say plumbing because we recently needed to have a bit of minor work done, but it is done, so that's that. I wish I were more tech-adept and understood how all my electronic devices work and how to deal with them in more than the most basic ways.

5. Do you lean more towards being too needy or too independent? Which do you find harder to deal with in others? 

I don't know what is "too" other than comparing myself to others and/ or taking into account how I have been criticized in the past. In an absolute sense though, how can I know? If I had ever met the right man for me, then I wouldn't be "too" anything, but that never happened so yes I've been on both sides of that equation. I have been criticized for being too needy in the sense of wanting more compliments, more (philosophical) conversation, more affection, more commitment, blah blah. Yet I've also been rejected for not wanting the constant togetherness of a traditional relationship. I don't want to see someone every day! That's foundational to most long-term romances, but I despise it. The idea of having to eat dinner with someone else every single night for the rest of my life makes me want to crawl out of my skin and run screaming off into the wilderness.

In others, I have found both extremes impossible to deal with as well. I have met men who freak out if you don't answer their text within an hour, and I have met men who don't answer my text for three days. Both of these are unacceptable to me. I don't know. I feel that with the right person these things wouldn't be an issue. Maybe I'm delusional, but to me a romance shouldn't be a constant series of exhausting negotiations. Everything would just work out like magic as in a romance novel or romcom. Nope, not delusional at all! LOL. Anyway, for the past 10 years I haven't had to deal with this, which to me is the correct compromise. I know some folks my age are still looking and hoping, but I am over it.

Regarding friends and family, all is good there. More or less. I mean, I occasionally have a burst of rage over something, which I express to someone other than the enraging party or to no one at all, but I get over it quickly.

6.  Insert your own random thought here. 

So, I have mentioned that with this blog I am not into promotion. I hate marketing in any form, which is why a lot of folks don't even know I have 10 books for sale on Amazon KDP. I don't have my current blog indexed on the search sites. If you google "Paula Light blog," you will get the result that I gave up my blog, which is true (along with other incorrect AI info, such as that I'm a hypnotherapist). I did give up my "popular" WordPress blog ~ I've given up many blogs. But here I am blogging! I have been going at it pretty steadily here on Blogger since August of 2024.

Ever since the April 2026 A-Z though, I've been more active in responding to comments and visiting other blogs, which naturally has had the effect of massively increasing my views and comments here. For example, a year ago I received on average maybe one comment per post. Some received two or three, but others had zero. Now my average is about eight comments per post (not counting my own). That's rewarding, but it also takes time to respond to each one, so I haven't been. Sometimes I don't say anything; other times I will post a "thank you" to the group of commenters. I do appreciate the visits! I just don't want to start spending oodles of time blogging the way I used to because for me that's a path to burnout. This is also why I don't always comment on posts I read.

Prior to April of this year, the bots and scrapers didn't know I existed here on Blogger. My page views matched the comments: some days I had zero views, while other days I might have had three. Now of course my page views are insane like everyone else's with hundreds, sometimes thousands, per day no matter the number of comments received. I also get a whole bunch of spam to my listed email with all kinds of "offers" to pay people to promote my books! While actual possible purchasers may not know I have books for sale, these marketers do. By some mysterious magic, they have access to purchasers (yeah right). You know they haven't a clue about what I write when the title of the email is "your book" and they have no specifics. 

A weird thing happened today though. I received an email regarding my last post ~ the AI Makeover ~ and this email was intensely specific, mentioning all the things I said in my post. It's just another AI site, most likely one that will eventually charge a fee, telling me they could do better with the images I would like in the future. I don't know why I find this interesting, but I am not going to reply, don't worry!

Congratulations if you have read to the end of this pointless meandering. You do not get a prize, sorry.

Hummingbird

Hummingbird via Meta AI

Like a hummingbird,

My fickle fictional taste

Flits from flower to flower,

Sipping the sweet word nectar

And moving on

To the next genre.

There's always a new

Unread author to explore,

Fresh velvety pages,

Unique honeyed flavors to savor.

Why stop at one?

~*~

Free verse poetry for the dVerse Quadrille Challenge hosted by WhimsyGizmo (44 words with hum).

Spilling the Tea

Screenshot from somewhere...

Iced or steaming, it’s tea for me;

I don’t want whiskey or champagne.

My cup’s half-full? Just leave it be.

When I sank into love’s debris,

These soothing brews helped keep me sane.

Iced or steaming, it’s tea for me.

A promise is no guarantee

Their careless plans will still remain.

My cup’s half-full—just leave it be—

I’m better off alone and free

Than on the drunken dating train.

Iced or steaming, it’s tea for me.

The fish can all stay out to sea;

A peaceful life is my heart’s gain.

My cup’s half-full. Just leave it be.

Well-meaning friends may disagree,

But sobriety I maintain.

Iced or steaming, it’s tea for me—

My cup’s half-full. Just leave it be!

~*~

Villanelle written for David's W3 challenge. I use "sobriety" in the sense of staying away from the crazy world of dating and apps.

A Shell of a Post

Elvis just shelling around with his kale (my photo)

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge this week. Thanks again Joyce for your thought-provoking questions!

1. How do you define beauty? 

I try not to since it's so subjective, but I am moved by the natural world as well as art (including the written word). Sunsets, waterfalls, flowers, butterflies, etc., are all pleasing to my eye; paintings and poetry nourish my soul. Music can be beautiful too. This may sound weird, but math is beautiful to me, in a philosophical sense. Cats are full of beauty. Clearly, in my mind, beauty has many disparate facets! As far as humans, eh, whatever. So much of what we think we find physically attractive about other people is culturally defined, and I try not to buy into that. 

2. Have you ever taken a trip by train? If so where did you go and what did you think of the experience? If not do you have any desire to do so? Where would you like to go? (You might find inspiration here-The Best Train Trips in The World)

I have not traveled overnight by train, though I have fantasized about taking a extended vacation around the USA via train post-retirement. From what I've heard, unless you spend a fortune on deluxe accommodations, this is pretty uncomfortable, so as with many things, overnight train travel will most likely remain in the fantasy realm. Of course I have taken the train ~ back in Chicago, I often commuted by train instead of the bus. I've taken the train to visit my eldest who now lives in San Diego County, which is super convenient if I'm not bringing a bunch of stuff with me. 

3. Shell shocked, bombshell, bandshell, shellacking, in a nutshell, walking on eggshells...choose one and tell us why you chose it, or how it relates to your life in some way currently.

Welp, back in my days of marriage/ dating I was definitely walking on eggshells much of the time, but I haven't done any of that in 10 years, TG, so none of these terms really apply to my generally peaceful life at the present time. PS: I had to look up bandshell. 

4. Tacos, pistachios, oysters, clams, eggs...your favorite food on the list that comes in/with a shell? 

Tacos are delicious, especially the vegan tacos at a place near me that are made with mushrooms. I'm not a huge fan of pistachios or clams, but I do enjoy cooked oysters in stuffing. Way back when, I used to eat raw oysters, but I learned that is not a safe thing to do any longer. Eggs are great, but the yolks are so high in cholesterol that I limit my consumption to every couple weeks. Just having the whites isn't appealing to me.

5. Are birthdays a big deal in your house? Is your own birthday a big deal in some way? Elaborate. 

Eh, not so much for me personally, as I have had so many of them now. Generally, my friends will have a little celebration for me (and vice versa, if they desire). My daughters and I acknowledge birthdays with sweet messages and sometimes little gifts, and naturally my grandchildren's birthdays are a big deal for all of us because they're still little. I was actually going to write a post to a prompt this week about the worst birthday I've ever had, but I didn't feel like diving into all that negativity. 

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

It would be sad to leave this post without mentioning seashells, which I love. I have a few broken ones around my plants because I think they look cool. Back in the day, I had some huge seashells, though I don't know what happened to them. My mind is a complete blank on the topic. Did they break? Did I give them away when I moved? I have no clue. I also love pasta shells ~ is there any kind of pasta I dislike? Doubtful...

Oh, for some odd reason, my gmail spam folder lately is full of crap about Shell gas cards. What's up with that?

No Travel Plans

At home with a kitty around 1989

 

So, I have no plans to travel—

No plans to see the Northern Lights,

No tickets for the full eclipse

Or any of the World Cup sites—

I’m just not planning any trips!

No Montreal or Amsterdam,

No Israel or Uruguay…

I’m happy staying where I am.

I have no plans to cruise or fly,

No parachute to break my fall;

I have no scuba diving gear,

No mountain climbing boots at all.

I only plan to stay right here 

In my current state of hermit,

And for this I need no passport, 

No permission slip or permit.

(At least not yet.)

~*~

Written for the dVerse poetry prompt of “just say no,” Reena’s Xploration Challenge (light/ fall/ current/ break), and Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday (travel). Words inspired by my own true state of mind.

Tiger Striped Hodgepodge

Meta AI created image of "tiger fudge"

Happy last week of July! I am participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by answering the following questions.

1. What was the last thing you celebrated? 

We celebrated a friend's birthday with a Friday dinner at BJ's and seeing The Odyssey. I enjoyed the film but it was very loud, very long, and very violent. I wore earplugs the whole time, which someone told me to do, and I definitely appreciated that advice. Saturday the party continued at the Orange County Fair where we attended the fabulous (and glittery) combo cover band concert of Kenny Metcalf as Elton John and ABBA LA. Very fun! I wandered around the fair for a couple hours, mostly staying indoors to see the exhibits because I enjoy them and also because the weather has been extremely hot and humid here. Sunday (today) my family got together for a pool party and to celebrate (a bit belatedly) my grandson's birthday. He seemed happy with the FIFA themed foosball tabletop game I gave to him.

2 July 29th is International Day of the Tiger. Besides the wild animal itself, when you hear the word tiger what's the first  person-place-thing-whatever that comes to mind? 

Tiger fudge. This ridiculously delicious treat is made with melted milk chocolate chips, melted white chocolate chips, and heated peanut butter. You pour each layer in a pan separately and then swirl a knife through the whole thing to make it stripey. Refrigerate it until completely cold and then cut it into little squares. Meta AI didn't know what tiger fudge was, but after I described it, I ended up with the above pic, which I think is adorable.

3. The expression 'eye of the tiger' describes someone with intense focus, determination, and the drive to succeed. What area of your life are you currently bringing that kind of energy to?  

I don't have this level of focus and determination any longer. I prefer to do things at a moderate pace, probably because when I was focused and determined, it didn't lead to the success I wanted, so why not enjoy life a bit more? For example, I no longer force myself to get up at 4AM and write for three hours before work. That didn't lead to publishing success, so I might as well get more sleep.

4. What was the last meal you cooked? 

Hahaha. I don't cook for one person (myself), except for the simplest things like an occasional omelet. It's too hot to cook now anyway, and I prefer salads and fruit bowls with yogurt or cottage cheese.

5. Describe your July using exactly five words. 

Hot, humid, exercising, reading, blogging.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I had over 3000 views on this blog yesterday, which is disturbing, since I know they're almost all bots. What do they want from me? I think the massive view numbers began when I did April A2Z this past April, and they've been rising steadily. Before that, I hardly had any visitors, so the bots must scrape blog addresses from public lists, such as A2Z.

Pinch

Butterfly from Pixabay

A pinch of poetry, a cup of cats, a spoonful of peeves, a sprinkle of crafts: this is how I flavor my blog. I don't have a specialty, a niche, or a business; I am not writing a novel in 8,000 pieces; and my interests flit around like butterflies in a vast field of flowers, but in a shallow way, so don't bore me with stats or facts or (god forbid) podcasts.

Sometimes I do a prompt for three weeks in a row, and then I might quit participating for months, even though "they" say that readers like consistency. Oops, I guess I am writing only to please myself, my bad.

I tried for years (decades, heck) to please an audience, to get published, to find some way to get paid for my writing, even though it's always been a labor of love, and all that came to naught, so I decided to forget it and just say what I please when I want to say it right here on the blank blog page for no expectation of payment or fame.

If I ever announce that I have a publishing contract, someone should pinch me because I'd be dreaming.

~*~

Written for Denise's Six Sentence Story (pinch).

Lemony Hodgepodge

Lemon bars via Meta AI

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by answering the following questions.

1. Do your goals and dreams energize or exhaust you? Elaborate. 

It depends on specifics. I bought a cat feeder to program, and it's so complicated that it exhausts me to think about it, but I will do it. (I'm writing this on Sunday to post on Monday, and hopefully by the time your read this, the programming will be sorted out!) My exercise goals are both tiring and energizing simultaneously ~ I get tired from 30-45 minutes of aerobics, but it feels good, so I'm excited to do it again the next day. As far as dreams, I don't have them on a grand scale the way I used to (finding love, getting published, becoming wealthy, etc.), which is good because I'm happier if I stick with boring daily goals that I can actually achieve. I don't buy into the cliché that you're never too old to do X thing. Hell yeah I am too old to do a lot of things!

2. July 23rd is national lemon day. Are you a fan of this flavor? What's a favorite dish or beverage you enjoy that calls for lemons? 

I am a huge, huge lemon fan! I don't care for lemonade though, strangely. I love lemon desserts, such as the surreal lemon bars pictured up top. Lemon cake, lemon cookies, lemon sorbet, all delicious.

3. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...is this something you're pretty good at managing? Have you had to do this recently? If so tell us about it. 

Absolutely, and I think it's the only way to be happy unless you're incredibly lucky to get everything you want. Life is full of disappointments, and you have to be able to adapt to them, change your goals, lower your expectations, etc., if you don't want to spend all your time moaning about what might have been. I try not to go down the "if only" road too often, and my personal motto/ mantra is more in line with it is what it is, so now deal with it.

In the last few years, I decided to completely give up on the idea of being paid to write in any way at all. Some of my writer friends still struggle to eke a few bucks out of the various self-publishing platforms, but to me it's not worth bothering with. First, I despise marketing. Second, even when I forced myself to do some, it had minimal results. Third, I don't want to write to please an audience; I much prefer writing to please myself. How did I "make lemonade" out of this? I self-published two final poetry books just to satisfy my OCD with zero expectation of sales, and also I returned to blogging ~ fun writing that makes me happy!

4. Something you love that is lemon yellow in color? 

I adore lemon-yellow roses, even if they set off an allergy attack. I think they're prettier than red roses.

5. How would you describe your attention to detail? 

Insane. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I am relentless about catching/ fixing them. This doesn't only apply to typos, but also includes consistency in various forms. I also obsessively straighten stuff up and make sure that all objects are either at right angles or deliberately and pleasingly off-center.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

For an introvert who needs a lot of alone time, I sure have a lot of social plans coming up!

Shake It Off

Colorful music notes from Pixabay

I'm going to talk about Taylor Swift for a minute. First, I'm neither a crazed fan nor a cranky hater, so if you're at one of those extremes, you may not enjoy this post. No offense taken if you leave. Second, I've respected TS as a successful businesswoman for quite some time. After reading about the sh!t women go through in the music world, it's awesome that she navigated all that with grace and came out on top. Third, in general, I don't care that much for TS's music: I find it mostly pretty boring with a few exceptions. She has a lovely voice, and some of her lyrics are very clever, but overall I find her songs to be a big blend of blandness. Maybe I haven't devoted enough time to understand her subtleties. That could be it. Fourth, for a while now I've been annoyed with the constant media coverage of TS, but that's not her fault. Same goes for Harry and Meghan. I used to feel similarly about Jennifer Aniston, but the media has mostly lost interest in her. It isn't the celeb's fault that the media will relentlessly hound whichever "it" person gets readers to click on pics and articles (and thus view the ads), but it's easier (and lazier) to get annoyed with the celeb than the journalists, whose names we don't even know.

I stay out too late

Got nothing in my brain

That's what people say, mm-mm

That's what people say, mm-mm

Fifth, when I saw Jim's Song Lyric Sunday prompt for this week of empowerment, I knew I had to go with Taylor's 2014 song "Shake It Off." Not only is it super fun to listen to and dance to, but also it has a fabulous message. We've heard various versions of it, including "what you think of me is none of my business." There's a recent self-help book titled Let Them, which I haven't read yet, but I understand it promotes a similar message about shrugging off other people's opinions. Not everyone is going to like me, and so what? If I didn't give birth to you or you're not signing my paycheck, then pffft on your negativity and criticism.

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)

Hating someone back isn't empowering; hating someone gives them permission to take up space in your mind. We've all heard the expression "he's living rent free in her head.” It's a cliché because it's true. Why would you want to give someone that space? Ignoring them is more powerful. Letting them have the last word and allowing yourself to walk away without reply is true empowerment. Leaving their texts on "read" is empowering. Let them wonder why you won't answer. You don't have to! It took me a while to get there, but I finally arrived. I shake it off! And funny thing... those situations don't even occur these days. Guess I "shook off" the right people.

Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)

Listen to the whole song here. I hope you do if you haven't before ~ it's great! Definitely one of the exceptions, imo. And if you disagree, I don’t care! LOL

Songwriting credits go to Taylor Swift, Shellback, and Martin Max. Lyrics from Musixmatch.

The Milky Way Bar

Space candy via Meta AI

Look through any window 

Past your own reflection—

Contemplate the endless night.

Note the comforting moon.

Stars come into focus.

Constellations form their patterns:

We give names to the shapes;

Our minds fill in the blanks.

They’ve discovered sugar in space—

The building blocks of life!

Did sugar come from Earth

Or did it float on “down” to us

Like sprinkles from a cake?

Either way it’s so nice

To know the universe is sweet.

You can close the window,

Walk away from the night,

And create your own confection.

~*~

Written for John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop (window) and dVerse Poets Pub (night), and inspired by a news article on a recent discovery in space.

Jelly Bean Jealousy

Dragon guarding jelly beans (Meta AI)

I like the slang word "jelly" for jealousy. It's softer, lighter, not so murderous. Look at that dragon in the pic: would he set you on fire if you touched his candy stash? Maybe he would, or maybe he'd be only a little bit jelly. Jealousy is more about wanting to keep what you have rather than simply desiring what someone else has (envy). A jealous husband doesn't want men to flirt with his wife; an envious husband wishes he made enough money to afford a fancy car like the guy next door. But we often use the two words interchangeably, and so be it. Everyone knows what we mean, which is the important thing.

Back when I was interested in romantic relationships, I wasn't really a jealous type, as far as worrying about who might be talking to "my" person. I guess I never thought of anyone as "mine" in that way, and it still seems weird to me to claim ownership of someone. I mean, if "my" person would rather go off and be with someone else, then good riddance. Why would you want to be with someone who is no longer interested in you? Ick. That doesn't mean I was into polyamory (not that there's anything wrong with that) ~ it just means that out of all my OCD behaviors, jealousy wasn't among them.

Sometimes people want you to pretend to be jelly (in the romantic sense), so I would go along with that, and vice versa. It all seems so ridiculous now. So much wasted time. But it's easy to feel above it all when I have no interest or desire; back in the day, I definitely wanted to find someone. Now though, I'm too jelly of my free time, my me-time, to squander it on a date. I hoard my non-working hours like precious treasures because every week there are fewer of them left, and at some point, not too far into the future, they'll all be gone. A human lifespan is such a blip, a blink, in the evolution of the universe.

~*~

Written for Linda's Stream of Consciousness Saturday (jelly).

Expectations, Then and Now

Crystal Cove Beach at Laguna, CA (my photo)

I struggled for years

To live up to a standard

Someone else had set

But despite all my efforts

The goal eluded my grasp

~ Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. (Coco Chanel) ~

Slow epiphany

Look inward for my answers

Ignore the static

Find pleasure in small triumphs
That I define for myself

~*~

Tanka Puente was written for Colleen's Tanka Tuesday. This is the first time I've tried this form, and I already love it! 

Some Overdue Housekeeping

Inky stops to smell the sunflowers

Warning: long and boring post ahead!

I haven’t blogged about blogging in a while, so if that bores you, please feel free not to read on. In fact, that’s my philosophy in general for blogging and social media interactions: read what you like and disregard the rest. Sometimes that’s tough though. Example: someone on Reddit criticized me for the above image of Inky. They said they didn’t know if sunflowers were bad for cats, but they might be since some other flowers are, so I should be more careful. It turns out that (1) Inky only sniffed the flowers and sauntered off after I took the pic; (2) I then put the flowers outside because I was having an allergic reaction to all my birthday bouquets (there were a lot!); and (3) sunflowers are not toxic to cats ~ info found via a quick google, which that person could have easily done before criticizing me. I wanted to, but didn’t, say all that and cause a big to-do on the animal shelter’s post. Instead, I walked away, both from the post and the site. Highly recommend this behavior. 

Why did I decide to give up Reddit altogether? Because I was tired of seeing the same old political garbage stink up every topic, however unrelated. The photo was just the last straw. Same thing happened with BlueSky, but in their case it was specifically due to the raging antisemitism that no amount of filters could combat. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t returned to Facebook in 2020 ~ the politics are out of control there as well ~ but unfortunately so many of my peeps refuse to use any other platform to communicate. Example: all my FB friends (who are often in-person friends as well) know this blog exists. Do they ever visit and comment? Nope. 

EXCEPT YOU, KEERA! ❤️

Recently, I received an anonymous comment here that was crabby and critical. At first, I let it through because it wasn’t an ad, but then I had second thoughts after a bunch of other people commented. The anon comment could have been taken as criticism of them as well, and I don’t allow that here. Personal attacks are what destroyed my first blog during the Pit Bull War, and I vowed since then not to permit any nastiness on posts under my control. I don’t mind non-nasty anonymous comments if the commenter chooses a name to attach to their words consistently, but if they can’t be bothered with that, then no. I just created a comment policy for the comment form box thingy to remind my visitors, so there are no excuses.

It’s great to be able to review and/ or delete comments before they go live, and even afterwards if you change your mind. There aren’t as many bells and whistles here on Blogger as there were on WordPress, and in some ways that’s better because fewer things go wrong. I’ve never experienced glitches here that prevented me from posting for X number of hours or seeing other Blogger posts. I don’t think we’re periodically overrun with bot swarms either, which we were on WP from time to time, or at least I haven’t been. In general, I don’t see ads, except on a few blogs whose owners, I presume, deliberately have them in hopes of earning a few cents. WP blogs, on the other hand, are full of repulsive ads unless you pay to avoid them. You also have to pay for image storage over on WP, but my Blogger pics are folded into my Google account, and I pay Google a small fee each month for a giant glob of storage that should be enough until the end of time or until I die, whichever comes first. That said, I am still cautious about adding a new image for every post ~ I try to reuse ones already saved, as I did here.

That’s all for now…

Inky Pinky Hodgepodge

Inky pinky painting

I'm participating in the Hodgepodge again this week, which is hosted by Joyce. She sure comes up with some great questions!

1. June 17th, 1994 was the day of the infamous O.J. Simpson car chase. What were you doing in 1994? I'm guessing somebody is going to tell me they weren't born yet but that's part of the fun of the Hodgepodge. Lots of generations are represented here. 

In June of 1994, I was a 33 year-old SAHM, so I imagine that I was doing mommyish things and not paying much attention to the news. I vaguely knew this big event was happening, but I had way more important stuff going on, like coloring with my daughters and baking cookies.

2. What's your favorite summer salad that isn't the traditional tossed green lettuce kind of salad? Do you like fresh fruit in a salad (other than in a fruit salad of course)?

I love fruit salad and fruit in any green salad, especially berries and mango. My favorite summer salad is the strawberry poppyseed chicken salad at Panera (check it out).

3. Is chivalry dead? Should it be? 

Chivalry is a double-edged sword, pardon the pun. Obviously the old-timey chivalry with knights and jousts and stuff is dead, except at Medieval Times and Renaissance Fairs, but we now use the term to describe "gentlemanly" type of behavior. While it may seem nice for men to be especially courteous to and protective of women, and also pick up the check, that often comes with a price. I think we all know what that price is. The concept seems pretty dead to me these days, but I have aged out of that world, so I guess I don't really know. Personally, I'm fine with not having those things and not being expected to do anything in return either. As far as holding doors/ elevators, that's just general politeness ~ people do it for each other regardless of gender, which is how it should be.

4. Would you rather spend a week of your summer vacation in Hawaii or Alaska? Have you ever been to either? Are they two places you really would like to see? How do you feel about 'Hawaiian pizza' aka pineapple on a pizza? Have you ever eaten Baked Alaska? 

Neither, as I dislike traveling and being away from home/ kitty. I've been to Hawaii a few times, and it was nice. Friends have taken Alaskan cruises, and the photos look interesting, though cruises appeal to me even less than vacations in general. I'm totally fine with Hawaiian pizza, though I probably wouldn't order it, as I prefer an all-veggie pizza. We had Baked Alaska at my second wedding (1988), which was a terrible idea (not mine). It was dramatic and tasted fine, but I missed having a real cake. 

5. World Cup play is happening now...are you interested? Watching any matches? Did you or your children play soccer/futbol? There are eleven US cities hosting matches--Atlanta, Boston, Dallas, Houston, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Miami, New York with the stadium in NJ, Philadelphia, San Francisco, and Seattle along with  three cities in Mexico (Guadalajara, Mexico City and Monterrey) and two in Canada (Toronto and Vancouver). You get free tickets to one of these matches. Which city do you choose? Tell us why. 

I have zero interest in any sporting events. My daughters did not play soccer. I guess I would take the free tickets to the Los Angeles games and give them away to someone who'd enjoy them.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

On Saturday, my friend Lisa and I had dates ~ literally. She brought over hot honey sushi (don't judge; it's delicious!) and date rolls with coconut. We watched the first part of the HBO Billy Joel documentary (I already saw the whole thing, but she hadn't), and will watch part two in a few weeks. It's excellent! The reason I resubscribed to HBO is because House of the Dragon is returning for the third season next Sunday, and that's one of the rare shows I enjoy. (See, I can suspend my disbelief for dragons!) It's been a while since I subbed, so I clicked on the cancel button to see what it would entail, and they thought I was cancelling right then, so they offered me half price for three months. LOL! I guess I will have HBO until October now. Any movie recs? Since it's so long between seasons and my brain is stuffed with so much junk, I am rewatching S2 of Dragon this week to prepare.

Yesterday (Sunday), my coworker and I did a "paint your pet" session at Pino's Palette. No, we don't put paint on the pet! We paint from a photo. She did her cute poodle-type doggo, which came out great, and I painted Inky. Because we needed room for her tail, the canvas has an area that needs "more," as you can see in the above image, so I ordered some large black stickers from Amazon to spell out her name on the left side. I'm really pleased with my painting, especially the eyes!

Today (Monday) I took the day off from work and will be driving up to Los Angeles in a few hours to see my granddaughter in her first ballet recital. I'm happy I can do this, as I don't get to see the kiddos all that often. Living an hour's drive away (at the best of times) sounds close, and it's certainly closer than a plane flight, but it's not like I can just pop in whenever. Visits are always planned around work and school.

That was more of a recap than a random thought!

AI Ate My Lunch

 

Meta AI image of a PBJ sandwich and chips 

I’m participating in John Holton's Writer’s Workshop this week by responding to two of his prompts. The first question is about my favorite topic: lunch!

1. Did you bring your lunch to school? What did you usually have?

My mommy always packed my lunch when I was little. I had an inexplicable hatred of peanut butter for several years, so she would make me sandwiches of tuna salad, egg salad, or lunchmeat. She included chips or cookies, and I think I bought milk at school. Around age 12, I decided that I loved peanut butter and jelly (but not grape jelly), so we switched, and I began making my own lunch. Because I can get a bit obsessive, I pretty much had a PB&J sandwich every school day, along with Pringles potato chips. I brought a lot of chips so I could share them, which gave me a smidge more popularity than I would have had otherwise. In high school, my food OCD went out of control, and my lunches changed accordingly (half a PB sandwich, no jelly, no chips, etc.).

2. Do you use Artificial Intelligence for anything? Have you ever used it to write a blog post? What is your opinion of it?

I use Meta AI daily; I find it much more efficient and helpful than Googling because Google now not only gives you AI results anyway, but also it provides a pile of questionable links. I don’t like to click on unknown things, due to all the scams and malware out there. Here are examples of recent “conversations” that I have had with Meta AI: updates on the local Garden Grove toxic event, updates on the California primary election, when is Yesteryear coming out, what is aspiration pneumonia, how did Amazon trick me with this photo of a shirt that appeared to have sequins but didn’t? 

While I have not used AI to write a blog post, I have used it to create images to go with blog posts, such as the one here. Meta AI gives me images in a good size, unlike say Pixabay or even my own photos, which are generally enormous, so I don’t have to reduce them to save on Google storage. It baffles me though how AI is going to “take over the world” when it often flubs the simplest directions, like “make the table blue.” I did not ask for a blue plate! But I stopped there because I have discovered that the more tweaks I ask for the worse it gets. 

If/when I do use Meta AI’s actual words in a post, I will say so, as I would do with any other words that aren’t mine. This will be coming up because we just had a very interesting discussion about first-person POV in novels, and I plan to make (yet another) post about that subject. I find that Meta AI is really good at articulating exactly why a book worked for me or didn’t by doing a deep dive into plot and character.

I think that much like any technology AI has benefits and drawbacks. I go case by case to judge. Asking AI how many levels of Wordscapes I have to play before I get to a challenging level is fine, but using AI to write a book and saying it’s your own work is wrong. Using AI to create fake news or photos of people is wrong. Using AI to stalk an ex is apparently wrong because it actually refused to do this for me. Oops! My bad.

That’s my opinion. Also, I am opposed to data centers gobbling up community resources ~ if that’s the only way we can continue with things such as Meta AI, then it isn’t worth it. 

Happiness

Inky and my birthday sunflowers 

They say that anything worth having
Is worth fighting for.
No pain, no gain,
So pick yourself up off the floor—
It’s never too late!
Grab for that brass ring once more;
It’s okay if you fall on your face.
Smooth seas do not skillful sailors make.

I followed this “wisdom”
And struggled through heartbreak,
Giving all I had to give
Because heaven is elusive,
And hunger flavors all the dishes,
Or so they told me.
But eventually I became suspicious
Of this bill of goods they sold me.

I looked around at my quiet life—
I already have the things I need.
Contentment was not a raging storm
But a calm and peaceful port;
Not a Mississippi Mudslide
But a sweet vanilla cupcake.
Behind the pointless angst and strife,
Happiness was always mine to take.

~*~

Poetry inspired by Reena's Xploration Challenge 430 (elusive).

Maybe in Another Life

Photo taken by me

 

I was gifted Maybe in Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid for my birthday last month. It had been on my list for a while because I loved TJR's Daisy and the Six (not the TV series however) and also Malibu Rising. Both books received a 5-star rating from me. I also enjoyed Evidence of the Affair, but I gave that novella only 3 stars. Three stars isn't a bad rating at all ~ it means you liked the book in general, but it had flaws. Four stars means you loved it, and 5 stars means it was utterly mind-blowing and you'd read it again. Most of my ratings are between 2 and 4 stars. (Two means it was "just OK.") If a book is so bad I'm going to award only one star, I usually don't even finish it. 

As I've ranted mentioned before, I feel the star rating system is skewed because so many readers are giving books 5 stars if they merely liked them. I'm not a purist ~ it's fine to overrate your friends' books ~ but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about people flinging 5 stars at ordinary mass-produced romances, thrillers, etc., and thus making the ratings meaningless. So annoying. Oh well, I guess there are larger problems in the world…

Anyway. Back to Maybe in Another Life. 

Warning: my review contains spoilers!

I didn’t like the main character, which isn’t necessarily an insurmountable impediment to loving a book if the plot and other story elements are great, but they aren’t. We are following two distinct storylines, which diverge after 29 year old Hannah does or does not hook up with her old high school boyfriend when she moves back to LA after flitting around various cities/ jobs. In the first scenario, Hannah and Ethan have a blissful few weeks together until Hannah realizes she’s preggo, but not with Ethan’s baby ~ she’d been carelessly hooking up with a married man in NYC. There’s not one moment where Hannah thinks hmm I am such a flighty and irresponsible person, so perhaps I should terminate this pregnancy or at least consider giving the baby up for adoption. Instead, she’s all in immediately, even after the NY man nopes out of helping. Did I mention that Hannah has no job, no car, and no apartment? That’s OK: other people step in to help her because she’s so wonderful. Those wonderful Hannah moments occurred off-screen, as far as I can tell. 

In the second scenario, Hannah chooses not to go home with Ethan and gets hit by a car. She wakes up in the hospital after three days in a coma, only to discover that she’s lost a pregnancy she hadn’t known about. Ethan shows up to visit, but he had taken another girl home from the bar that night after Hannah turned him down, and Hannah knows this, so she is meh about him. She falls for her hunky night nurse Henry instead, and gets him in trouble with his supervisor. I feel bad for all of Hannah’s physical problems, but she’s so selfish! The plot isn’t captivating enough to make up for her shortcomings. And do we have to keep hearing about her love for cinnamon buns on every freaking page?! Not to mention her obsession with having her hair up in a “high bun.” Buns buns buns! (Same thing in the other storyline.) Hannah quickly recovers from the accident, with everyone helping her just like in the alternate universe. Blah blah.

The reason I awarded 3 stars to this book instead of 2 is due to all the philosophical musings in the narrative and sometimes in the dialog. That’s what kept my interest. It was also interesting that TJR didn’t write the exact same endings to both situations. Some events stayed on track in both, and others were wildly different. I liked this, since I don’t believe in “fate” other than what you create for yourself through the choices you make… and some stuff is totally out of your control. 

I didn’t love or hate this book because not everything has to be extreme, and I would give another TJR novel a shot.

~*~

This review is for John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop.