Forgiveness Goes to the Gym

Image created by Meta AI

Wrapped in my pink Lululemon,

I resemble a cotton candy cloud,

But I am no weak-willed wuss—

I’m made of much tougher stuff.

As I open the gym door,

I can smell the sweaty desperation 

To be hard and unrelenting.

Accepting an apology 

Is like stepping on the treadmill:

A warm-up to the main event. 

When I hit those weights,

I focus on my own strength

Because it was never about you.

Forgiveness feels like

Racking that 25-pound dumbbell 

Back on the bar.

It’s no longer burdening me down;

You’re someone else’s problem now.

Soaking in the sauna

Releases the last gasp of stress—

The anger turned inward.

Steamy swirls of absolution 

Allow me to forgive myself

For ever trusting you. 

The tears of catharsis 

Drip onto rippled muscles,

And I’m soothed in a soft towel,

So much lighter,

So much freer.

Forgiveness is a gift to the giver.

~*~

Written for the Skeptic’s Kaddish W3 Prompt #235 hosted by Dennis Johnstone.

Hodgepodge with Extra Noodles

Udon noodles with overlaid text (my photo)

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge this week by responding to the following questions. Since my personal posting has been a bit "light" lately, I can tell before I start that I will be going off-topic into a whole bunch of pointless meandering, which is why I used the Noodling image. Also, I haven't used it in a while. It's always a bit of a struggle with me to decide what to put "out there" in public on social media as I enjoy talking about myself and don't mind criticism over my ideas, but on the other hand I don't want to involve anyone else. It's sometimes hard to talk about my life without mentioning family or friends, but I have learned it's best to keep the mention of other people to an absolute minimum. 

1. Do you think you're driven more by curiosity or comfort? Explain. 

Comfort absolutely 100% no question. While I am intellectually curious, in my physical life I do not crave new experiences. I'm very strange that way compared to other people I know. I like being home. I enjoy eating familiar foods. I'm happy hanging out with the folks I already know as opposed to seeking new contacts. I will always choose the safe and boring over the exciting and different. At least, that's how I am now at age 65; when I was younger, I did try new things. Mostly that didn't work out so well. 

2. What non-food item is in your refrigerator or freezer? 

In the fridge I have soothing cucumber-aloe eye fresheners, although I haven't used them yet ~ I like to know that they're there. In the freezer there are a bunch of ice packs for my head and neck in case of a migraine. Lately though I haven't found the ice packs to be that helpful. It's better to take a hot shower and ingest some caffeine to repel an approaching migraine; if it's already a full-blown attack, then I have to take sumatriptan.

3. Are you comfortable with silence? If you're home alone, do you like silence or do you need regular background noise? Do you seek out times and places to be silent? What's your favorite place to find silence/be silent? 

I love silence! Actually, though, it's never truly silent for me as I have 24/7 tinnitus, plus there's always some kind of lowkey background noise going on, such as the humming of the fridge or the A/C or little kitty paws padding about. At night, I like to have a fan on at the lowest setting for both the white noise and the air circulation, which is a relatively new thing for me. I used to put on an animal documentary to fall asleep by, but I haven't done that for a while. The fan seems to do the trick. 

A lot of noise makes me anxious. I'm not talking about loud movies or music (although those can become unpleasant quickly), but people and machinery. When a bunch of people are all talking at once, I find it impossible to concentrate on anything and soon feel miserable. The same thing happens if a leaf blower is going or a truck is beeping or whatever loud, repetitive thing is conspiring to upset me. My headaches can be triggered from this, but even when they aren't, I just dislike it intensely.

Part of the reason I love staying home is the relative quiet here compared to other places. It seems that the nearby beaches would be perfect for a peaceful experience, and they are somewhat, but they're often windy, which isn't good for my head.

4. Carpentry, electrical, plumbing, landscaping...which skill would you most like to possess and how would you put that skill to use today?

I would say plumbing because we recently needed to have a bit of minor work done, but it is done, so that's that. I wish I were more tech-adept and understood how all my electronic devices work and how to deal with them in more than the most basic ways.

5. Do you lean more towards being too needy or too independent? Which do you find harder to deal with in others? 

I don't know what is "too" other than comparing myself to others and/ or taking into account how I have been criticized in the past. In an absolute sense though, how can I know? If I had ever met the right man for me, then I wouldn't be "too" anything, but that never happened so yes I've been on both sides of that equation. I have been criticized for being too needy in the sense of wanting more compliments, more (philosophical) conversation, more affection, more commitment, blah blah. Yet I've also been rejected for not wanting the constant togetherness of a traditional relationship. I don't want to see someone every day! That's foundational to most long-term romances, but I despise it. The idea of having to eat dinner with someone else every single night for the rest of my life makes me want to crawl out of my skin and run screaming off into the wilderness.

In others, I have found both extremes impossible to deal with as well. I have met men who freak out if you don't answer their text within an hour, and I have met men who don't answer my text for three days. Both of these are unacceptable to me. I don't know. I feel that with the right person these things wouldn't be an issue. Maybe I'm delusional, but to me a romance shouldn't be a constant series of exhausting negotiations. Everything would just work out like magic as in a romance novel or romcom. Nope, not delusional at all! LOL. Anyway, for the past 10 years I haven't had to deal with this, which to me is the correct compromise. I know some folks my age are still looking and hoping, but I am over it.

Regarding friends and family, all is good there. More or less. I mean, I occasionally have a burst of rage over something, which I express to someone other than the enraging party or to no one at all, but I get over it quickly.

6.  Insert your own random thought here. 

So, I have mentioned that with this blog I am not into promotion. I hate marketing in any form, which is why a lot of folks don't even know I have 10 books for sale on Amazon KDP. I don't have my current blog indexed on the search sites. If you google "Paula Light blog," you will get the result that I gave up my blog, which is true (along with other incorrect AI info, such as that I'm a hypnotherapist). I did give up my "popular" WordPress blog ~ I've given up many blogs. But here I am blogging! I have been going at it pretty steadily here on Blogger since August of 2024.

Ever since the April 2026 A-Z though, I've been more active in responding to comments and visiting other blogs, which naturally has had the effect of massively increasing my views and comments here. For example, a year ago I received on average maybe one comment per post. Some received two or three, but others had zero. Now my average is about eight comments per post (not counting my own). That's rewarding, but it also takes time to respond to each one, so I haven't been. Sometimes I don't say anything; other times I will post a "thank you" to the group of commenters. I do appreciate the visits! I just don't want to start spending oodles of time blogging the way I used to because for me that's a path to burnout. This is also why I don't always comment on posts I read.

Prior to April of this year, the bots and scrapers didn't know I existed here on Blogger. My page views matched the comments: some days I had zero views, while other days I might have had three. Now of course my page views are insane like everyone else's with hundreds, sometimes thousands, per day no matter the number of comments received. I also get a whole bunch of spam to my listed email with all kinds of "offers" to pay people to promote my books! While actual possible purchasers may not know I have books for sale, these marketers do. By some mysterious magic, they have access to purchasers (yeah right). You know they haven't a clue about what I write when the title of the email is "your book" and they have no specifics. 

A weird thing happened today though. I received an email regarding my last post ~ the AI Makeover ~ and this email was intensely specific, mentioning all the things I said in my post. It's just another AI site, most likely one that will eventually charge a fee, telling me they could do better with the images I would like in the future. I don't know why I find this interesting, but I am not going to reply, don't worry!

Congratulations if you have read to the end of this pointless meandering. You do not get a prize, sorry.

Conscious Uncoupling

Narcissus flowers beside a stream (AI)

In August he bombed me with compliments 

(but I was on the fence);

In September he had to fix a chair

(he did not want me there);

In October he said I was too much 

(and we fell out of touch);

On Thanksgiving he turned into a ghost 

(he had promised to host);

At Christmas he wanted to be alone 

(told by text on the phone);

For Valentines he sent a long critique 

(of my faults week by week);

My April birthday passed without a word 

(yay, I was a free bird!);

Not so fast—he contacted me in June

(I jumped over the moon);

But I grew tired of his self-centeredness

(So I quit saying yes);

Like the Cheshire Cat he melted away 

(to find more willing prey?).

~*~

Split couplets written for the dVerse Challenge and inspired by a relationship I had 10 years ago.

Thirteen on The Sopranos

13 colorful donuts from AI

I recently finished my (third?) rewatch of The Sopranos and probably will not rewatch it again, despite the excellent writing. It's just too bleak and violent. I had remembered it as a comedic series punctuated with a shooting here and there, but that's not really how it is. Funny thing about memory, isn't it? Here are some of my thoughts on the show, in no particular order. If you don't want the show "spoiled" (after 20+ years!), then click away now.

1. Before I forget (again), a stray orange cat plays a pivotal role in the finale (S6, e21). It reiterates the orange/ death theme that appears throughout the series (as an homage to The Godfather), and it also shows again how Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini, RIP) is so considerate and loving toward animals, as opposed to people.

2. It took me all these rewatches to notice that Donna Pescow is the wife of Patsy Parisi (Dan Grimaldi) in the finale. You remember Donna, right? She plays Annette in Saturday Night Fever. (I'm due for a rewatch of that movie soon.)

3. Though Facebook sucks generally, I still enjoy the various fandoms, and the commenters on the Sopranos threads are so funny and insightful. "Always with the scenarios!" Confession: I might watch S6 one more time to pay closer attention to the clues leading up to the finale.

4. If Tony dies at the end, then probably Tony's wife Carmela (Edie Falco) and son AJ (Robert Iler) die too, since they are all sitting at the same table, but Tony's daughter Meadow (Jamie-Lynn Sigler) may be spared at the door because she arrives late after struggling to parallel park (totally relatable). 

5. The only character who experiences enlightenment and change is Tony's psychiatrist Dr. Jennifer Melfi, in a brilliant performance by Lorraine Bracco. She finally realizes that she can no longer treat Tony, and that she had been enabling his terrible behavior with her therapy sessions.

6. One of my memory fails is that I thought Hesh Rabkin gets killed near the end in the mob war, but he does not. The actor who plays him, Jerry Adler, passed away last year at age 96. 

7. One of the most elaborate plot concoctions is how everything ends up falling apart for Tony because of the repercussions of the fat joke Ralphie (Joe Pantoliano) tells about Ginny (Denise Borino-Quinn), the wife of Johnny Sack (Vincent Curatola). I have loved Joey Pants ever since he played Guido, the killer pimp, in Risky Business!

8. I appreciated Tony's coma fantasy more on this last watch. It was really well executed, especially the final moments when Tony B (Steve Buscemi) tries to pull him into the afterlife.

9. It's always hilarious to me how these guys can be so dumb about so many things, yet morph into math wizards the instant betting odds or calculations of the "vig" come up. 

10. I had forgotten about the bear that appeared in the Sopranos’ yard after Tony moved out, but those are great scenes and of course symbolic of the threat Tony poses to everyone around him. It also foreshadows the fact that Carmela can never be rid of Tony and that they will get back together ~ easy to say when I know they do get back together!

11. My favorite episode is still early on where Tony acts like such an ordinary dad until he discovers "the rat" (Tony Ray Rossi) while he's taking his daughter to visit a college in Maine. It's the same ep where Tony tells Meadow during the drive that there's no such thing as the mafia and tries to convince her that he's mostly involved in legit business. Hilarious juxtaposition.

12. I love the insertion of famous people as themselves into Soprano-world: Nancy Sinatra singing for the wise guys, David Lee Roth sitting at the executive poker game, and best of all Ben Kingsley trying to duck Christopher (Michael Imperioli) and his dopey movie pitch.

13. Livia Soprano (Nancy Marchand, RIP), Tony’s mom, is my favorite character in the whole series because she's so irredeemably, unapologetically awful without ever committing violence herself. Her manipulation of Corrado aka Uncle Junior (Dominic Chianese) is a thing of beauty.

Reasonable Questions

Pondering life’s great mysteries ~ 1989

Reason triumphs over desire—

Or is it the other way ‘round?

Can logic douse our passion’s fire?

Reason triumphs over desire:

So we think as mammals higher;

Don’t want to be emotion bound.

Reason triumphs over desire—

Or is it the other way ‘round?

~*~

This quadrille triolet poem was inspired by Linda’s SoCS prompt of reason, though this post isn’t stream of consciousness. Unlike some poems however, it wasn't a struggle to get the rhymes or the wordcount (and in my world, these QT's must have 8 syllables per line because I like to make my own life difficult). As I was dealing with a migraine early this morning, the lines materialized in my mind while I was throwing up in the bathroom (TMI?). It’s been a tough week for my poor head in the heat wave, which thankfully has finally broken. No matter how well-behaved my migraines are in summer (and they were very polite this year), September weather triggers them unmercifully. That’s my reason/ excuse for failing to blog this week, though in truth if I had really wanted to, I would have. Confession: I returned to bingeing The Sopranos every night after work and am now at the end of S4. It’s such a good show!

Today I am getting my flu shot and updated Covid vax, which I encourage everyone to do, especially oldies like myself. The flu absolutely sucks when you're older; hell, even a cold is horrible. When I was a teen, colds were no big deal and barely impacted my lifestyle, such as it was, but now they totally mess me up for a full week plus. Ah, the joys of aging. Guess it still beats the alternative. 

Never Her Fault

AI generated image of a narcissistic woman 

The accident wasn’t her fault.

She didn’t mean to offend you

With that nasty verbal assault

As she tried to push her way through.

Her motives are always so pure,

She has told us over again;

If she hurts you, you can be sure 

Someone else was using her pen.

Maybe the problem is you, dear,

Seeing insults where there are none.

Too sensitive when she comes near—

You should lighten up and have fun!

So put your feelings out of sight;

Just lock them away in a vault.

Remember she is in the right,

And nothing is ever her fault.

~*~

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter 263. Do you know anyone like this? I do!

Range of (e)Motion

Image from Unsplash

One of the topics in John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop this week is a new obsession, which oddly enough for me is exercise. Throughout the day I imagine which Leslie Sansone video routine I will choose that night and go over the different ones in my mind. (Sometimes on weekends I exercise earlier in the day if I have plans in the evening.) In the past, I obsessed over all kinds of unhealthy things, and I never would have guessed that in my 60s I would come to love aerobics. It’s not just the routines though ~ I think about Leslie herself a lot and her jokey banter with the other exercisers in the vids. I catch myself using her terminology at random times too.

I’ve mentioned this previously, but in the context of trying to be healthier. I don’t know if I’m healthier now that I’ve been working out consistently since June 1, but you would think so, right? While my cholesterol is the same (too high), my blood pressure is always in the “green zone” lately. My weight is unchanged, and I don’t look any fitter. Back in the old days, the fact that I didn’t appear to have lost any flab would have caused me to lose motivation to continue to work out, but that hasn’t happened. It’s the opposite actually: if I think that I might not have time to exercise on a particular day, I get anxious about it. Plus, I never say to myself that I’m too tired to do it or use any other excuse.

So weird!

I have discovered a few subtle changes (improvements) in myself since June 1. While my neck and back are as achy as they’ve been for decades, I find I can move more easily, from getting out of bed to turning my head in the car. I used to get tired after 20 minutes of light exercise, but now I can do 30 minutes to an hour with no problem. Even though it’s the bad migraine time of year, and I’m still getting some, they aren’t as frequent. I may have said this already, sorry. I can’t be bothered looking it up because I’m writing this on my phone while rewatching The Sopranos (for probably the fourth time). 

What’s interesting to me (and possibly to you if you’re still reading) is that while my range of motion seems to be larger, my range of emotion has slightly narrowed. This is a good thing! I attribute it to the daily workouts mellowing me out. When I’m exercising, my mind is focused on what I’m doing and not going off into the weeds of work stress or whatever other thing. It’s kind of like the chilled out feeling I experience while doing a puzzle or playing an intense board game, except that the workout endorphins or whatever last all day now. Or somewhat anyway. Generally, I exercise at night, and the relaxedness lasts through the next 24 hours, which is also why I try not to skip a day. It’s so great!

Hey, I’m not going to pretend that my mood stays all sweetness and delight 100% of the time. Of course not. I’m still me. But my reactions to normal bumps in the road of life aren’t so extreme and upsetting lately. It’s a small difference, but I’ll take it.

 

I only wish I had started exercising regularly sooner. 

My Silver Anniversary

 

Image stolen from Google

This week marks my 25th anniversary working for the same law firm. It’s a big deal, especially these days when people are constantly changing jobs, and I was honored for my years last Friday night at our company dinner. Not coincidentally, I was the oldest person in the room. I can still remember being the youngest person at work, back in Chicago after dropping out of college (I returned later to get my degree).

I found a quarter in the office parking lot this morning (heads up), which I will take as a sign of good luck from the gods for my 25th milestone, or maybe a sign that someone dropped their change. I’m hoping that it’s not a sign I need to stay employed for 25 more years.

I haven’t felt the blogging muse for a while, though I do have a couple posts scheduled for this week. I guess I mean the prompts lately haven’t inspired me, and I vowed not to post filler here. I did a lot of filler posts on my last blog just to stay in the feeds, and I ended up stressed and unhappy because of that. I started a few poems recently and abandoned them all because I wasn't feeling the vibe.

Interesting that my stats have returned to “normal” after that weird World Cup surge. (Probably a coincidence.) I’m still getting hits from odd places, but not thousands of them. It’s also strange that even on days when I post nothing, I get a hundred or so views. Whatever. I don’t want to obsess over stats.

I’ve also been busy, at least for me. Besides the work event on Friday, I had social events on Saturday and Sunday. I also have more social events scheduled for this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The next weekend is similarly packed with people-ing. What the heck? I’m supposed to be an antisocial, introverted hermit!

For someone with nothing to say, I have managed to write several paragraphs. 

Enough Is Enough

Pocket watch on the beach (AI)

I reclaim my eyes from advertisers

And focus my thoughts on novels instead.

I don't listen to podcasts while I drive;
It's okay to be alone in my head.

I no longer respond to angry memes

Or have arguments with strangers online;

I don't visit Reddit, Bluesky or X~

I have better things to do with my time.

Remember when we didn't have email

And our lives were not controlled by an app?

I dream of a day when I disconnect

From this electric avalanche of crap.

~*~

Written for Great Minds Think (the "enough" challenge).

Every Breath You Take (flash fiction)

AI flowers and candy

Some people thought he was too intense for his own good.

Glen had never been able to do anything halfway. It was all or nothing, whether work or play or romance. And the irony was that Valerie had said she loved that about him. She had loved his constant calls and texts, his relentless attention to detail, his devotion to her needs, his thoughtful gestures and gifts, and his steady presence to make her feel secure. Or at least she had said she loved all those things before she decided it was too much. 

“Maybe she’s not my soulmate after all,” Glen cried to his mother during their weekly chat. “She doesn’t seem to appreciate or even acknowledge anything I do now. I gave her a box of candy when I brought her breakfast, and she threw it on the floor.”

“Face facts, darling,” his mother replied crisply, as was her way. “You’re too good for her. You’ve spoiled her rotten with nothing to show for it. Time to move on.”

Glen glanced at his laptop and rechecked the app he used to track Valerie’s movements. He thought maybe she would be writing him a note of apology or thanks, but she was just staring off into space. “I guess you’re right, Mumsy. She was treated so badly by her ex that she freaks out at my pure and honest heart.”

“Have you considered that you’re a bit too intense? Try not coming on so strongly with the next one, dear.”

Even his own mother was criticizing him now! Glen slammed his phone down in frustration. But she was right about one thing: he needed to quit obsessing over Valerie and find someone new. He began with the apps and methodically deleted each one he had been using to track her. He deleted every email and text, and he emptied the trash can. There was only one more loose end.

Glen sighed as he clomped downstairs to his basement apartment with the syringe in his hand. He politely knocked before using his key in case she was getting dressed. So annoying to have to dispose of another dead body, but she had left him no choice. Maybe he would go to that speed dating thingie tonight after he cleaned everything up.

~*~

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter 260 and inspired by the song “Every Breath You Take” by The Police (songwriting credit goes to Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, from the 1983 album Synchronicity).

Plane Podge

AI guy in a tux hanging onto a chopper

I'm participating in From Across the Pond's Hodgepodge 667. Thanks go out to Joyce for coming up with a bunch of interesting themed questions every week!

1. August 19th is National Aviation Day...do you like to fly? Last time you were on an airplane? The date is chosen in honor of the history and development of aviation, and celebrated on the birthday of Orville Wright. Have you ever been to the Kitty Hawk area of North Carolina? The city of Dayton in Ohio (their birthplace)?

I hate flying. I know it's safer than driving, but even so I am thrilled that both my daughters now live within reasonable driving distance. For a while, I was regularly flying up to the Bay Area to visit them because the drive took 7 hours. It wasn't the actual flight I disliked as much as the whole rigmarole of getting to the airport two hours before boarding time (drive and pay for parking or get an Uber?), navigating the massive annoying crowd at the airport, dealing with flinging my carryon in an overhead bin without hurting my back, being squashed into a tiny seat next to PEOPLE, and getting a headache on the descent. Yuck!

The last time I was on an airplane was in 2021 coming back from Oakland after visiting my daughter. She and her hubs moved to SoCal shortly afterward. I have never been to North Carolina, but I have been to Ohio (the Newark area, not Dayton) ~ my mother was born in Granville, and we occasionally visited her peeps when we lived back East. 

2. In what area of your life do you tend to 'wing it'? Is this an area you should be winging? 

I'm a planner, not a winger, but I am trying to be casual about blogging now, which I suppose is a form of winging it. When I was on WordPress, I stressed myself out by replying to multiple prompts per day, hosting prompts, replying to every comment, feeling the need to comment on everyone else's blog, etc., until it sucked up all my free time. These days, I only reply to a prompt when I have something I want to say, which means that I skip most prompts, including my own that I made special images for, such as Two for Tuesday and Thursday 13. While I do have a post scheduled for this Tuesday, it will probably be a while before I come up with another thirteen related statements. Yes, when I do it, the statements must be related to a theme!

Should I be winging my blogging? Yes, absolutely. I have a lot more free time now, which means that I read many more books and watch many more movies. Ironically, that gives me more blogging material.

3. A favorite book, song, or movie that relates to flight in some way?   

I just read Final Descent by Audrey J. Cole, which I liked a lot ~ it was about a pilot who was being gaslit by her ex-husband, culminating in a cockpit fight with a creep he had hired to ruin her life. (Nice illustration of how both dating and flying are terrifying and should be avoided.) A year or so ago, I read her full-length novel Missing in Flight about a baby who was kidnapped aboard a plane while his mom went to the bathroom. It was really good, and I recommend it!

Should I confess that I kinda enjoyed the ridiculous movie Snakes on a Plane? LOL

For music, how about the beautiful and sad song "Early Morning Rain" by Gordon Lightfoot? 

Hear the mighty engines roar

See the silver wing on high

She's away and westward bound

Far above the clouds she'll fly

Where the morning rain don't fall

And the sun always shines

She'll be flying o'er my home

In about three hours time

4. Soft serve, gelato, sherbet, frozen yogurt, or good old fashioned ice cream...what's your pleasure? Your favorite flavor? How often do you indulge? 

Wait, what? How does this relate to flight? Maybe like they do with booze, we can set up a froyo flight of vanilla, strawberry, coconut, and mango samplers. Don't forget the toppings! My favorite is one of those bases with strawberries, mango, and coconut on top. I used to like vanilla with peanut butter cup pieces smashed in, but lately I find that just too sweet and blech. I'm not sure if I've ever had gelato. I don’t have frozen treats that often. Way back when, I used to be "addicted" to Ben & Jerry's vanilla with cookie dough, but I don't buy their products now because REASONS.

5. I never get tired of______________________. 

Mamma Mia movies. Relating them to the theme, you do have to take a flight to Athens and then a ferry to get to the island of Kalokairi, where the fictional Hotel Bella Donna (formerly the Villa Donna) is located. Or if you are wealthy, like Sophie's grandmother, you can charter a helicopter to take you from Athens to the island. Oh, I see from Google that the island is also fictional. Huh. Learn something new every day!

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I sometimes think that I'm obsessive, but then I run into true obsessives and realize that I'm not even anywhere close to their level. Being competitive by nature, I will sometimes experience a sudden urge to out-obsess the obsessives, but that impulse is generally squelched quickly because I'm also lazy.

Because You Promised

AI tiger in the clouds

I jumped without a parachute

Because you promised to be there

I felt fearless and I felt cute

I jumped without a parachute

My confidence was absolute

But nothing caught me except air

I jumped without a parachute

Because you promised to be there

~*~

Triolet quadrille (structured 44 words) written for dVerse Poets Pub (jump).

No Travel Plans

At home with a kitty around 1989

 

So, I have no plans to travel—

No plans to see the Northern Lights,

No tickets for the full eclipse

Or any of the World Cup sites—

I’m just not planning any trips!

No Montreal or Amsterdam,

No Israel or Uruguay…

I’m happy staying where I am.

I have no plans to cruise or fly,

No parachute to break my fall;

I have no scuba diving gear,

No mountain climbing boots at all.

I only plan to stay right here 

In my current state of hermit,

And for this I need no passport, 

No permission slip or permit.

(At least not yet.)

~*~

Written for the dVerse poetry prompt of “just say no,” Reena’s Xploration Challenge (light/ fall/ current/ break), and Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday (travel). Words inspired by my own true state of mind.

Sharing My World

Gatsby, my soul kitty (my photo)

Hey, it’s been a while since I responded to one of Di’s Share Your World posts, and I couldn’t resist this one. 

1. What have you recently forgotten to do until the last minute?

I’m probably jinxing myself here, but my answer is… nothing! One of my main OCD tendencies is to make lists of everything and add reminders to my calendar for every possible minor deadline or even things sans deadlines that I simply want to accomplish. There are things I should do but haven’t done, of course, but that’s not because I forgot ~ I just don’t wanna do them.

2. How many blog posts do you publish on average a day?

I would say probably one or two. Blogger doesn’t show you highly detailed stats the same way that WordPress does, so this is just my “feeling.” When I first began this blog (or wiped and restarted it) in the summer of 2024, I vowed that I would not post just to post. My old WP blog had loads of filler posts that embarrassed me when I looked back at them. Back then, it was normal for me to post five times per day ~ I probably went three or more years without skipping a day! Now, I regularly skip days. Last week I think I skipped two days. 

3. How long have you been blogging?

Short answer: 22 years, with a few breaks. Skip to Q4 if you aren’t interested in the long, meandering saga.

I began my first blog in 2004 (Ultrablog from my then-screen name of Ultraviolet) because my writer friends were all starting them. Most of those friends have given up blogging, sadly, and their blogs lie abandoned in the internet graveyard. They still operate under the illusion that’s it’s possible to have meaningful conversations on Facebook. I despise FB! I’m only there for my book club now. The latest horrible annoyance is their refusal to hide/ mute stuff you request. They literally do not care how miserable the user experience is; they care only about the ads and business pages people pay for. 

Sorry, irrelevant rant. The 2004 Blogger blog got derailed over the Pit Bull War, my comments were “hacked,” and I deleted the whole thing in 2007. I began a new, quiet Blogger blog that focused on cats and trivia, but I became bored with it. At the end of 2007, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I started a private Blogger blog to express my thoughts surrounding her illness and death. I think I invited 20 readers to commiserate with me. After my mom died, I archived that blog and took it down.

A year later, my divorce was in process, and I began dating a man who was supposedly going to leave his wife (ha ha). Since I was frequently depressed over my entire situation, I began a WordPress blog to post angsty song lyrics, snippets of poetry, and sad quotes. That ended up morphing into my long-running blog, which I paid for to eliminate ads and kept up for over a decade until I got heartily sick of it and of WP generally. I deleted that blog in early 2023.

But I still had this Blogger blog! This wasn’t my original blog or my trivia one, both of which had been deleted; this was simply my backup blog, which I used when WP was being glitchy to “hold” posts until WP behaved again. Anyway, I decided in 2024 that I missed blogging after seeing a movie and desiring to write about it, so I wiped this one and began anew.

4. If you had to rename your blog, what would it be?

Idk. I really like this name, but if I had to rename it, I’d choose something like Pointless Meandering.

Gratitude: I am thankful that I figured out how to give Inky her flea pill. She doesn’t go outdoors, but fleas are everywhere, and one might sneak inside the house, so it’s important to stay protected. This particular pill is very grainy and hard to stuff down her throat, so I gave up for a couple months, but Saturday I was determined. I put a dab of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter on the pill to make it slippery. After making sure she swallowed, I put a tiny dab of it on her nose so she’d lick it off and swallow again. It worked! Yay! (I used to give Gatsby topical flea prevention meds, but those are icky, and I want Inky to be able to take a pill.)

No, I don’t have real butter in the house. I like butter to be fake and spreadable. Thanks for asking. Also, before anyone starts, the Chewy vet said this was okay to do.

Coral Kiss (flash fiction)

My mom’s engagement photo, 1957

I always visit my dad early Sunday. Mornings are better for him than evenings, when he tends to “sundown.” I can’t really hold a conversation with him after dark when he goes on about events from decades ago as if they just happened and struggles to find the right words besides.

Today he's sitting at the kitchen table “doing his taxes.” They were completed months ago by our CPA, but Dad likes to shuffle the papers around, stick them in the colorful folders, and pull them out again. 

I plop a box of donut holes on the counter, get a plate, and arrange a pile of fried balls. I find a spot on the table free from papers and put down the plate. I take the coffee cups out of the carafe and place one in front of each of us. "How's it going today, Dad."

"Good," he says. "I'm making progress on these documents."

I sip my coffee. It's strong and steaming hot. "That's great. Have a donut."

He takes one and stares at it. "Mom visited last night."

My mom has been dead for six months. Sometimes I play along with Dad's fantasies, but I am not in the mood right now. "Dad," my voice is soft. "You know that Mom passed away."

He nods. "Yes. We had some tea. Can you get me more at the store? I don't want to run out."

"I'll put it on the list. But... you know that Mom is gone, right? This was just a dream."

"We were sitting here," he insists. "She's worried about you. The divorce. Everything."

"It's all fine." I tell him, trying to change the subject. "There's a fun old movie today in the social hall. Smokey and the Bandit. I'll set the alarm on your phone so you don't forget."

"I'm not going to forget." He glances at me sharply. "I don't need an alarm. It's irritating."

"Okay, okay." I pick up his phone and set it anyway. 

We eat a few of the donut holes and finish our coffees. I try to tidy up a bit without disturbing his messy mountain of receipts. "I'll call you tonight," I say. "You can tell me about the movie."

He opens the green folder and removes the papers he stuffed in it a few minutes ago. "All right. I should get back to work now. Thanks for the cookies."

As I pass through the kitchen on the way to the door I glance into his sink. There are two cups sitting in it with teabags at the bottom of each. One cup has a lipstick mark. My mother's color, Coral Kiss. I pick up the cup and stare at it.

My father's voice floats to me across the room. "I'll do the dishes in a little while, honey. Don't forget to get more tea."

~*~

Written for the Great Minds Think twist challenge. Inspired by true events.

Lemony Hodgepodge

Lemon bars via Meta AI

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by answering the following questions.

1. Do your goals and dreams energize or exhaust you? Elaborate. 

It depends on specifics. I bought a cat feeder to program, and it's so complicated that it exhausts me to think about it, but I will do it. (I'm writing this on Sunday to post on Monday, and hopefully by the time your read this, the programming will be sorted out!) My exercise goals are both tiring and energizing simultaneously ~ I get tired from 30-45 minutes of aerobics, but it feels good, so I'm excited to do it again the next day. As far as dreams, I don't have them on a grand scale the way I used to (finding love, getting published, becoming wealthy, etc.), which is good because I'm happier if I stick with boring daily goals that I can actually achieve. I don't buy into the cliché that you're never too old to do X thing. Hell yeah I am too old to do a lot of things!

2. July 23rd is national lemon day. Are you a fan of this flavor? What's a favorite dish or beverage you enjoy that calls for lemons? 

I am a huge, huge lemon fan! I don't care for lemonade though, strangely. I love lemon desserts, such as the surreal lemon bars pictured up top. Lemon cake, lemon cookies, lemon sorbet, all delicious.

3. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...is this something you're pretty good at managing? Have you had to do this recently? If so tell us about it. 

Absolutely, and I think it's the only way to be happy unless you're incredibly lucky to get everything you want. Life is full of disappointments, and you have to be able to adapt to them, change your goals, lower your expectations, etc., if you don't want to spend all your time moaning about what might have been. I try not to go down the "if only" road too often, and my personal motto/ mantra is more in line with it is what it is, so now deal with it.

In the last few years, I decided to completely give up on the idea of being paid to write in any way at all. Some of my writer friends still struggle to eke a few bucks out of the various self-publishing platforms, but to me it's not worth bothering with. First, I despise marketing. Second, even when I forced myself to do some, it had minimal results. Third, I don't want to write to please an audience; I much prefer writing to please myself. How did I "make lemonade" out of this? I self-published two final poetry books just to satisfy my OCD with zero expectation of sales, and also I returned to blogging ~ fun writing that makes me happy!

4. Something you love that is lemon yellow in color? 

I adore lemon-yellow roses, even if they set off an allergy attack. I think they're prettier than red roses.

5. How would you describe your attention to detail? 

Insane. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I am relentless about catching/ fixing them. This doesn't only apply to typos, but also includes consistency in various forms. I also obsessively straighten stuff up and make sure that all objects are either at right angles or deliberately and pleasingly off-center.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

For an introvert who needs a lot of alone time, I sure have a lot of social plans coming up!

Shake It Off

Colorful music notes from Pixabay

I'm going to talk about Taylor Swift for a minute. First, I'm neither a crazed fan nor a cranky hater, so if you're at one of those extremes, you may not enjoy this post. No offense taken if you leave. Second, I've respected TS as a successful businesswoman for quite some time. After reading about the sh!t women go through in the music world, it's awesome that she navigated all that with grace and came out on top. Third, in general, I don't care that much for TS's music: I find it mostly pretty boring with a few exceptions. She has a lovely voice, and some of her lyrics are very clever, but overall I find her songs to be a big blend of blandness. Maybe I haven't devoted enough time to understand her subtleties. That could be it. Fourth, for a while now I've been annoyed with the constant media coverage of TS, but that's not her fault. Same goes for Harry and Meghan. I used to feel similarly about Jennifer Aniston, but the media has mostly lost interest in her. It isn't the celeb's fault that the media will relentlessly hound whichever "it" person gets readers to click on pics and articles (and thus view the ads), but it's easier (and lazier) to get annoyed with the celeb than the journalists, whose names we don't even know.

I stay out too late

Got nothing in my brain

That's what people say, mm-mm

That's what people say, mm-mm

Fifth, when I saw Jim's Song Lyric Sunday prompt for this week of empowerment, I knew I had to go with Taylor's 2014 song "Shake It Off." Not only is it super fun to listen to and dance to, but also it has a fabulous message. We've heard various versions of it, including "what you think of me is none of my business." There's a recent self-help book titled Let Them, which I haven't read yet, but I understand it promotes a similar message about shrugging off other people's opinions. Not everyone is going to like me, and so what? If I didn't give birth to you or you're not signing my paycheck, then pffft on your negativity and criticism.

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)

Hating someone back isn't empowering; hating someone gives them permission to take up space in your mind. We've all heard the expression "he's living rent free in her head.” It's a cliché because it's true. Why would you want to give someone that space? Ignoring them is more powerful. Letting them have the last word and allowing yourself to walk away without reply is true empowerment. Leaving their texts on "read" is empowering. Let them wonder why you won't answer. You don't have to! It took me a while to get there, but I finally arrived. I shake it off! And funny thing... those situations don't even occur these days. Guess I "shook off" the right people.

Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off (whoo-hoo-hoo)

Listen to the whole song here. I hope you do if you haven't before ~ it's great! Definitely one of the exceptions, imo. And if you disagree, I don’t care! LOL

Songwriting credits go to Taylor Swift, Shellback, and Martin Max. Lyrics from Musixmatch.

You’ll Accomp’ny Me

Butterfly via Pixabay

For Jim’s Thursday Inspiration today, he asks us to share a Bob Seger song. Now I love Bob Seger, despite having heard “Night Moves” about four billion times, so this was a no-brainer. And talk about being “spoilt for choice,” as they say across the pond! You may not think of Bob as a romantic, but in my opinion, “You’ll Accomp’ny Me” is one of the most romantic songs out there. 

I’m not going to post the lyrics because (a) you should listen to the song in its entirety as sung by Bob to get the full impact; and (b) I can’t copypasta on my phone without losing the normal blogspot formatting. There is no option to paste as plain text here like there is on my laptop. I suppose I could type out the lyrics, but I don’t wanna. My lunch is almost over.

Trust me, this is a beautiful song. Songwriting credit goes to Bob Seger himself, and Accomp’ny is from his 1980 album Against the Wind. I just love the vibe that respects someone for being herself, and though things may not be ideal for them now, he will wait until they are. He speaks with confidence and optimism, but not ownership…

Two for Tuesday: Movies Again

 

Two ducks in Los Angeles (my photo)

1. Two if By Sea (1996). This romcom stars Sandra Bullock (Roz), one of my favorite actors, and Denis Leary (Frank). Yaphet Kotto (RIP) plays a detective (O'Malley), and you might remember him in the dual roles of Dr. Kanaga and Mr. Big from Live and Let Die, as well as many other roles over the years, Bill Bennett directs. Frank is a small-time Boston thief who steals a $4M painting he plans to hand over to "Phill the Shill," a big-time criminal who is presumed dead by most in law enforcement, except for O'Malley (who has a personal vendetta against Phill). Roz is a bookstore clerk and Frank's long-suffering girlfriend, who wants Frank to give up his criminal ways and become a legit citizen/ husband/ father, but in the meantime she helps him because she's a lot smarter than he is.

Frank decides to make a long weekend out of the art thievery escapade, so he and Roz end up crashing at an unoccupied house in a ritzy area, where Roz meets a wealthy, handsome neighbor who falls in love with her, and she considers dumping Frank. There are some funny side characters, including Michael Badalucco, who has been in a zillion movies. I wouldn't say this is great romcom, but there are some laughs, and Sandra is always enjoyable. I watched this on Netflix over the July 4th weekend.

2. Ladies First (2026). This movie would have been hilarious on July 4, 1986, but it felt dated as a new movie. It stars Sasha Baron Cohen and Rosamund Pike, and it's directed by Thea Sharrock. Charles Dance costars, and you may remember him as Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones. I certainly do! The acting is top notch, but the premise that a misogynistic bully male boss hits his head and is magically transported to a parallel world where women are in charge feels a bit "been there done that" to me. There are many funny moments at first, but they soon grow repetitive and stale. We get it, OK: everyone wants to be respected, yada yada. The idea that a man would feel bad about being treated like a sex object by women doesn't really work because I don't think most men would feel bad! The movie should have focused more on gender-based pay disparities, which isn't dated because it's still happening, but I guess that's not as funny as penile implants. 

Usually, I don't bother reviewing movies I don't like, but I did watch Ladies First to the end and figured it deserved a bit of a write-up since it's new and being hyped on Netflix.

Wandering Wishes

Dandelion from Pixabay

Puff out the candle on the cake

Wandering wishes flower seeds

Unpredictable turns they take

Puff out the candle on the cake

Imagine bold new thirsts to slake

Separate basic wants from needs

Puff out the candle on the cake

Wandering wishes flower seeds

~*~

Triolet quadrille (structured 44 words) written for dVerse Poets Pub Quadrille Monday (prompt of puff) hosted by the lovely Lisa of Tao-Talk.