The Ghosts of Kitties Past

It was nice to get away to San Diego with friends over the holiday weekend, even though I don't really enjoy any changes to routine. This time, it was good to escape from my place, which is stuffed with memories of my sweet Gatsby. We haven't dumped the kitty condo or scratching posts because we know, eventually, there will probably be another kitty living here. Not yet though. It's too soon. I'm OK with seeing his little grey and white ghost out of the corner of my eye sometimes. I don't want to forget him or lose my memories. I still say "bye, I love you" to him when I leave the house.

I have to forgive myself for all the times I got annoyed with him for his yowling. Happened with my other kitties too. That's just how I am ~ very unsaintly when I get woken up in the middle of the night by a cat yarking up a hairball. Quick to yell when they knock a pen off the counter or stick their paw in my tea. I accept that I don't have a ton of patience, never did have. I did my best and made a good home for them, just like I did for my children, who were also frequently annoying. Love doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect and cleaning the litterbox is a joy; love is wanting a kitty in your life despite those things.

In my opinion, anyway.

Part of how I've been consoling myself is by looking online at cats up for adoption nearby. I'm not going to get one that way though... I just like to look. I don't want to "shop" for my next sweetie; I want her to appear in my life as if by magic (aka the "cat distribution system"). Since I'm on the third floor, one isn't going to wander up to my door like Cocoa did in 2004, but it feels a bit magical that my coworker is currently caring for three kittens who were born in his yard four weeks ago. He says he can't keep them all, but he is bonded to them now, so we'll see how that goes. Wandering into an adoption event in a pet store and finding "the one" also counts as magic. Until something magical happens, and I am ready for it, I am OK being sad. Gatsby was a huge part of my life for over 13 years, so it's not surprising I cry from time to time. I still cry over the loss of my mother in 2008. It's so hard to believe she's been gone over 17 years.

*

Last week, I read The Secretary, a psychological suspense novel by Renee Knight, for the 2025 Reading Challenge category of a book with a main character who shares your profession. I wasn't in the mood for the typical sexy secretary who seduces her billionaire boss, so I chose Knight's book, which is about an executive assistant (Christine) to a narcissistic, bullying female boss (Mina). Christine becomes so consumed by her job (similar to Andrea in The Devil Wears Prada) that she loses all perspective and refuses to set boundaries. Her husband and daughter end up leaving her because she prioritizes Mina's unreasonable demands over her family week after week. Eventually, Christine both covers up and commits crimes to try to stay invaluable to this horrible woman. The story is told as a retrospective ~ it seems as if the MC is in some sort of sanitarium as she's narrating, but we are not sure of her location until the end. The book was enjoyable for a while, but it became tedious, and I didn't care for the ending at all. Three stars.

I gave three stars to Black Widows by Cate Quinn as well. It's a mystery type novel about a man who was murdered and one of his three wives is apparently the killer. The narrative style is like a reality TV show where we get very short snippets rapid-fire. There are over 100 chapters because each one is 2-3 pages. Ridiculous and annoying! The story itself however is interesting because it's different and describes a completely alien way of life (to me), so that kept me going, but the choppy chapters drove me nuts. We get some interesting perspectives on life in a polygamous cult from the three wives as they take turns narrating, each in first person, natch. Although I enjoyed the ending, there were many unanswered questions, which was frustrating, so I will bring that up at the book club discussion (this was a "bonus" read, not one of our monthly selections). 

For next year's challenge, I am going to make a list of the physical and Kindle books I already own via purchases or gifts and read those before buying any new ones. (This is separate from books I have to read for book clubs obviously.) It's just silly to start any new challenges that require new purchases when I still haven't read the holiday romances people bought for me last December!

*

Remember when I said I didn't injure myself "too badly" while putting my bookcase together at the beginning of May? Well, I lied. Besides dropping the wrench on my foot (which didn't cause an issue), I somehow (I have no idea how) hurt my leg that day, and it's gotten worse over these last weeks because I've been ignoring the pain rather than babying it. I guess it needs to be babied! Yesterday I started using a heating pad and only doing the most gentle stretches, so that helps. But damn. Saturday night it hurt so badly at the hotel I couldn't get to sleep until after 2AM. Today was better from, I assume, the heat and rest and gentle stretching. I've also been taking two Advil twice a day for over a week, which is not ideal, but it helps the leg pain a lot and apparently has been keeping my headaches away too. Unless my headaches are better from not having a kitty on my bed.

Crazy talk.