Forgiveness Goes to the Gym

Image created by Meta AI

Wrapped in my pink Lululemon,

I resemble a cotton candy cloud,

But I am no weak-willed wuss—

I’m made of much tougher stuff.

As I open the gym door,

I can smell the sweaty desperation 

To be hard and unrelenting.

Accepting an apology 

Is like stepping on the treadmill:

A warm-up to the main event. 

When I hit those weights,

I focus on my own strength

Because it was never about you.

Forgiveness feels like

Racking that 25-pound dumbbell 

Back on the bar.

It’s no longer burdening me down;

You’re someone else’s problem now.

Soaking in the sauna

Releases the last gasp of stress—

The anger turned inward.

Steamy swirls of absolution 

Allow me to forgive myself

For ever trusting you. 

The tears of catharsis 

Drip onto rippled muscles,

And I’m soothed in a soft towel,

So much lighter,

So much freer.

Forgiveness is a gift to the giver.

~*~

Written for the Skeptic’s Kaddish W3 Prompt #235 hosted by Dennis Johnstone.

Mathing the Migraine

Abstract migraine pain via Meta AI

My head is never one hundred percent:

Each morning I check the pain out of ten.

If it’s one or two, then hip hip hooray; 

The odds may be in my favor today.

A three or a four is merely a dream,

While five gets me in a shower of steam.

At six I begin to think about meds

And slowly extract myself from the bed,

As I engage in that age-old debate—

Try OTC or already too late?

Go straight to the stuff Rx’d by my doc

Or give generic Excedrin a shot?

Seven or eight you know I’m in trouble;

Suma and coffee—make mine a double!

At nine I would be passed out on the floor;

Ten takes me right to the hospital’s door.

~*~

Written for Reena’s Xploration Challenge 452 about fractions. 

Reasonable Questions

Pondering life’s great mysteries ~ 1989

Reason triumphs over desire—

Or is it the other way ‘round?

Can logic douse our passion’s fire?

Reason triumphs over desire:

So we think as mammals higher;

Don’t want to be emotion bound.

Reason triumphs over desire—

Or is it the other way ‘round?

~*~

This quadrille triolet poem was inspired by Linda’s SoCS prompt of reason, though this post isn’t stream of consciousness. Unlike some poems however, it wasn't a struggle to get the rhymes or the wordcount (and in my world, these QT's must have 8 syllables per line because I like to make my own life difficult). As I was dealing with a migraine early this morning, the lines materialized in my mind while I was throwing up in the bathroom (TMI?). It’s been a tough week for my poor head in the heat wave, which thankfully has finally broken. No matter how well-behaved my migraines are in summer (and they were very polite this year), September weather triggers them unmercifully. That’s my reason/ excuse for failing to blog this week, though in truth if I had really wanted to, I would have. Confession: I returned to bingeing The Sopranos every night after work and am now at the end of S4. It’s such a good show!

Today I am getting my flu shot and updated Covid vax, which I encourage everyone to do, especially oldies like myself. The flu absolutely sucks when you're older; hell, even a cold is horrible. When I was a teen, colds were no big deal and barely impacted my lifestyle, such as it was, but now they totally mess me up for a full week plus. Ah, the joys of aging. Guess it still beats the alternative. 

Random Meanderings...

Pic of Crystal Cove for no reason

Blogger comments don't seem to be working. I can't comment on my own blog or on anyone else's ~ and I’m sorry if my repeated tries show up as multiple comments when Blogger starts up again. I asked AI and followed the directions for all the things, but nothing worked. I haven't received a new comment in over 18 hours, nor do I see new comments on other Blogspot blogs, so I don't think it's just me. Or is it just me? I usually blame myself first whenever anything goes wrong. 

It may not be related to the commenting glitch, but I noticed that Blogger's dashboard was a bit off this week with the "B" disappearing randomly, which required a refresh to see the menu. Now all the WordPress peeps can chime in to tell me WP is better, but I know it isn't ~ I WAS THERE! For years, I dealt with all of WP's stupid glitches as a paying customer until I gave up and left. Technically, I pay for Blogger too, via Google's extra storage, but it's a small amount compared to WP and gives me storage all across Google. 

But it's a good day! I took off from work, so I now have a four (4!) day weekend, which is awesome. It's not that I hate working, but I rarely take vacations. Welp, it's been ages since I went anywhere on a "real vacation," though I have been in the habit of taking random long weekends just to use up the days. I've always been a person who needed a lot of down time just to stare at the wall. Not to mention, I have social events all four days. How did this happen? LOL

This is the time of year when I have an almost constant migraine, and yep it is happening now too. Even though my head has been somewhat better, I knew this was coming. We've had other super hot days (and it isn't even super hot right now), but there's something about the start of September that triggers me. Maybe it's psychological. I don't know. I've been trying to be gentle with myself and do all the self-care things, which help a little bit. I haven't stopped working out, but I do it less vigorously while I'm in migraine mode. Basically I just have to get through it.

I'm in a reading slump. I did read 11 books in August, which may seem like a lot for people who never read a book (sadly, this includes some of my best friends), but it's not for me. I started and abandoned a whole bunch of books because they bored me to tears. Some of them I noted on Goodreads as "DNF," but others I didn't bother recording. As I've said, I'm over romance novels (this is usually temporary, but who knows?), but I am also over thrillers. They're just so samey-same. I have Wildflower by Drew Barrymore, a memoir told in a series of vignettes, which is an NYT bestseller, so I am hoping that will be interesting.

This is embarrassing to admit, but I don't enjoy Jane Austen's writing. I made it through P&P, and I liked the movie version a lot, but Austen's writing style is so unappealing to me. I loved Persuasion with Dakota Johnson, and I have the book in my Kindle library, but I haven't read it. Same goes for Emma with Gwyneth Paltrow. (It's marked read on my Kindle, but I don't think I actually finished it. You have to mark books as read or delete them completely to get them out of your unread pile.) I saw the preview for Sense and Sensibility last Friday, which looked good, so I downloaded the book, and UGH! I simply cannot read it. I guess back then "show not tell" wasn't a thing because the whole book is tell tell tell. And while I know people spoke differently in the 1800s, I can't believe they truly engaged in such stilted dialogue. Here's a girl trying to convince her sister that the object of her affections really isn't a complete dud:

"Of his sense and his goodness," continued Elinor, "no one can, I think, be in doubt, who has seen him often enough to engage him in unreserved conversation. The excellence of his understanding and his principles can be concealed only by that shyness which too often keeps him silent. You know enough of him to do justice to his solid worth. But of his minuter propensities, as you call them you have from peculiar circumstances been kept more ignorant than myself. [...]"

It goes on and on AND ON like this, page after page. Gah. I also have Northanger Abbey, but I can't bear to open it.

I began rewatching The Sopranos on HBO, and at first I loved it. I was picking up subtle nuances that I had either forgotten on my past watches or never noticed at all, plus I was following some Facebook discussions on the same. Last night, I was about halfway through S3, when I thought eff this it's way too boring. I began scrolling on my phone, then fell asleep, and now I have zero interest in continuing this rewatch. Boo! I was having so much fun with it. What happened? I think the constant arguing (yelling) and tension among the various characters was making me feel drained. It reminded me of my parents, although they never whacked anyone, far as I know.

I guess I'm just in an "everything sucks" phase. I did enjoy the two movies I saw recently, as I posted here.

Range of (e)Motion

Image from Unsplash

One of the topics in John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop this week is a new obsession, which oddly enough for me is exercise. Throughout the day I imagine which Leslie Sansone video routine I will choose that night and go over the different ones in my mind. (Sometimes on weekends I exercise earlier in the day if I have plans in the evening.) In the past, I obsessed over all kinds of unhealthy things, and I never would have guessed that in my 60s I would come to love aerobics. It’s not just the routines though ~ I think about Leslie herself a lot and her jokey banter with the other exercisers in the vids. I catch myself using her terminology at random times too.

I’ve mentioned this previously, but in the context of trying to be healthier. I don’t know if I’m healthier now that I’ve been working out consistently since June 1, but you would think so, right? While my cholesterol is the same (too high), my blood pressure is always in the “green zone” lately. My weight is unchanged, and I don’t look any fitter. Back in the old days, the fact that I didn’t appear to have lost any flab would have caused me to lose motivation to continue to work out, but that hasn’t happened. It’s the opposite actually: if I think that I might not have time to exercise on a particular day, I get anxious about it. Plus, I never say to myself that I’m too tired to do it or use any other excuse.

So weird!

I have discovered a few subtle changes (improvements) in myself since June 1. While my neck and back are as achy as they’ve been for decades, I find I can move more easily, from getting out of bed to turning my head in the car. I used to get tired after 20 minutes of light exercise, but now I can do 30 minutes to an hour with no problem. Even though it’s the bad migraine time of year, and I’m still getting some, they aren’t as frequent. I may have said this already, sorry. I can’t be bothered looking it up because I’m writing this on my phone while rewatching The Sopranos (for probably the fourth time). 

What’s interesting to me (and possibly to you if you’re still reading) is that while my range of motion seems to be larger, my range of emotion has slightly narrowed. This is a good thing! I attribute it to the daily workouts mellowing me out. When I’m exercising, my mind is focused on what I’m doing and not going off into the weeds of work stress or whatever other thing. It’s kind of like the chilled out feeling I experience while doing a puzzle or playing an intense board game, except that the workout endorphins or whatever last all day now. Or somewhat anyway. Generally, I exercise at night, and the relaxedness lasts through the next 24 hours, which is also why I try not to skip a day. It’s so great!

Hey, I’m not going to pretend that my mood stays all sweetness and delight 100% of the time. Of course not. I’m still me. But my reactions to normal bumps in the road of life aren’t so extreme and upsetting lately. It’s a small difference, but I’ll take it.

 

I only wish I had started exercising regularly sooner. 

Lunchtime Share

My sweet little Inky

Before I jump into Di’s Share Your World questions, I want to acknowledge that it’s Black Cat Appreciation Day. I love my little Inkerbelle! 

1. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

When very young, I loved Pink Panther, Speed Racer, Roadrunner, Rocky & Bullwinkle, and Let’s Make a Deal. Later on, all the game shows became favorites, especially Match Game and Hollywood Squares. As a teenager, my sitcom faves were I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, One Day at a Time, the Brady Bunch, and Eight is Enough. I also enjoyed detective shows like Columbo, Hart to Hart, and McMillan & Wife. I’m sure there are lots more that I am forgetting!

2. Do you have a favorite “tipple” (alcoholic drink or something when you are out for a meal, etc.)?

I love alcoholic drinks, but they don’t love me, and the older I get the worse it is. Fancy cocktails are so much fun. I used to love margaritas, mojitos, mai tais, pina coladas, Irish Coffee with tons of whipped cream, etc. ~ all those sugary, girly drinks, particularly if they came with tiny umbrellas. I went through a Bailey’s Irish Cream phase (that lasted 40 years), an amaretto phase, and a cinnamon whiskey phase. Yum! Now all of that makes me barf. 

Nowadays, I can have a glass (or two) of red wine or champagne, which may or may not give me a migraine, though since I get migraines frequently regardless, I occasionally decide that it’s worth the extra risk. If I remember to drink water afterwards, it often helps me to avoid a headache. That’s it though. No more mixed drinks or sweet liquor for me. Wah.

The vast majority of time, I order iced tea or Diet Coke.

3. Is there a movie you can watch again and again and still enjoy?

Yes, indeed. In fact, this weekend I rewatched both Mamma Mia movies while I worked on my puzzle (ironically, a pic of fancy cocktails ~ see my IG), and I enjoyed them immensely. Somewhat less frequently, I rewatch Walking on Sunshine, Chicago, Fiddler on the Roof, Saturday Night Fever, and other musicals, and romcoms such as You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, 27 Dresses, The Hating Game, etc. And of course Young Frankenstein! I generally do not rewatch serious movies. 

4. Did you have a favorite toy as a child? Or perhaps one you wanted and never got?

I loved my Barbies, but this was back when you had a few dolls and bought outfits and accessories for them. Nowadays, you buy a whole new doll in a themed pack instead of changing their clothes. While I appreciate themes, it was a lot of fun to mix and match outfits and browse the Barbie catalog for new ones. I also loved my Super Spirograph set and spent many hours creating cool designs ~ and redoing them obsessively until they were perfect. I don’t remember if there was anything I wanted and didn’t get, except a sister.

Gratitude: I am grateful that FedEx delivered all my stuff and that I managed to connect the new Spectrum equipment without any glitches (except for my Roku being slower). My daughter asked if you only had to plug it in. WELL YES, but I am extremely talented at messing up the simplest things. She should know that!

Migraine

Abstract migraine pain via Meta AI

I wake up in the underworld.

My temples throb with sparks of pain. 

Nausea spirals through my bones:

I fall in a pit of migraine.

Desolate current flows with moans.

Quiet voices scream like thunder.

Triptans weave a path I follow, 

No bright lights to cause a blunder.

Surfacing, I feel so hollow,

Like a papery leaf unfurled.

~*~

Written for the Sunday Whirl Wordle 768 with prompt words screams desolate temples bone sparks pit voices follow underworld spiral weave current. Luckily, I did not suffer from a migraine this weekend; the poem was inspired by recent memories.

A Pearly 'Podge

With my pink pearls in Queens, NY (1988)

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by responding to the following questions.

1. What's something on your August calendar you're looking forward to? Or dreading if that's easier to answer. 

My daughter and son-in-law are treating me to a production of The Phantom of the Opera at the end of August, and I am very much looking forward to that, as I have never seen it live, only a bit of it on TV. I'm also seeing Project Hail Mary at a friends' house, and I plan to make alien-themed cupcakes to bring for the potluck. I finally ordered a proper cupcake carrier so my treats don't get all smushed in transit.

2. August 5th is National Oyster Day...do you partake? How do you feel about pearls? 

When I was a kid on the East Coast we ate raw oysters all the time, and they were delicious! Nowadays, it's really dangerous to eat raw shellfish, so I never do. I'm even wary of sashimi (got very sick from it in 2016 around the time I met the ghost guy) and usually order cooked fish with the very occasional exception of tuna or salmon (the crabmeat or fake crabmeat in California roll sushi is always cooked). My mom made oyster stuffing a few times, and I absolutely loved it, though generally there aren't that many opportunities to order cooked oysters. I'm not a fan of oyster soup, which for some strange reason my parents always had on New Year's Eve. 

As far as pearls, they're okay. I have some pretty pink pearls that I received as an engagement gift, but I don't wear them often (see the photo above). I enjoy the scene in Mamma Mia Here We Go Again when Donna and Bill go diving and find an oyster with a pearl in it.

3. Tell us about a time when you felt like 'the world was your oyster'. 

Uh, I don't know. I guess the good life was mine when my girls were little and my ex's business was successful. I didn't have to work. We had a nice house, and I didn't worry about money. My parents were still around and healthy. Etc. That lasted from around 1992 to 1998.

4. Trip Advisor lists seven islands in the US that require no passport (for US citizens). If you're answering today from outside the US you'll still need to produce yours. An-y-way, have you been to any of the seven? Let's pretend you get an all expense paid trip to one this month...which one do you choose and why? 

Catalina Island California~Martha's Vineyard Massachusetts~Mackinac Island Michigan~Key West Florida~South Padre Island Texas~or Kauai Hawaii

I have been to Catalina and Kauai, both of which are gorgeous. Since I am not a fan of plane travel, I would choose an all expense paid trip to Catalina again (from where I live, you take a ferry over).

5. Sylvia Plath is credited with the following- 

"August rain: the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born. The odd uneven time."

Agree or disagree? In other words, how do you feel about this month? 

I don't feel the best of summer has gone, at least not this year. As I said at first, I have at least two fun events coming up in August and possibly more. While I used to look forward to September, I don't now because of the beastly hot weather and horrible winds here in coastal Southern California. September is migraine central, basically (although mine have improved a bit, so we'll see). I do enjoy October, when it cools off a bit and we start talking about Halloween.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I didn't get a great night's sleep last night, so I am enjoying a slow, lazy day of not doing much, while trying to work up the energy for aerobics. Later, I will watch S3 episode 7 of House of the Dragon.

Happy August

 

Salad with blueberries, etc. (my photo)

Welp, I survived another month end at work. This last one wasn't so bad... or maybe I'm just becoming numb to the stress. I caved and ate some salads, but then I read the Cyclospora outbreak is even worse than they thought the other week, so I stopped again. Also, blueberries are having issues. Sigh. I went to the grocery store for frozen dinners, carrots, bananas, apples, and strawberries. I also bought spinach and rewashed it. Then I cooked it with scrambled eggs and cheese on a tortilla for lunch. That should be safe enough, hopefully. I'm already missing blueberries though.

My bloodwork came back in 24 hours, and my cholesterol numbers are unchanged from 2025 and 2024 (a little into the red zone). So, I'm not getting any worse, but all my exercise and healthy eating hasn't improved anything either. Maybe the numbers would be worse if I hadn't started paying more attention to my health, idk. I want to avoid the meds, but we'll see what the doctor says. I'm glad I began working out more seriously because it really does relieve stress and make me feel good about accomplishing at least one goal per day, so whatever happens with the doc, at least I have that.

I kept planning to post more this week, but my ideas all petered out. I started a few posts, wrote a bit, and then discarded them. I was also short on time, so there's that, but I tried to keep up with comments at the blogs I follow. Leave me a link in my comments if I missed anything spectacular that you wrote.

Last night I opened a new 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle, a very pretty one with cowgirl boots and flowers, and some of you will be happy to know that the pieces have no codes on the backs. I will be doing it the slow, old-fashioned way, which is fine ~ it saves money to do the puzzles more slowly, since I buy more as soon as I finish the last undone one in my closet. I have most of the edges together now on this new one plus the turquoise boot. Of course I did the turquoise boot first!

Lemony Hodgepodge

Lemon bars via Meta AI

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by answering the following questions.

1. Do your goals and dreams energize or exhaust you? Elaborate. 

It depends on specifics. I bought a cat feeder to program, and it's so complicated that it exhausts me to think about it, but I will do it. (I'm writing this on Sunday to post on Monday, and hopefully by the time your read this, the programming will be sorted out!) My exercise goals are both tiring and energizing simultaneously ~ I get tired from 30-45 minutes of aerobics, but it feels good, so I'm excited to do it again the next day. As far as dreams, I don't have them on a grand scale the way I used to (finding love, getting published, becoming wealthy, etc.), which is good because I'm happier if I stick with boring daily goals that I can actually achieve. I don't buy into the cliché that you're never too old to do X thing. Hell yeah I am too old to do a lot of things!

2. July 23rd is national lemon day. Are you a fan of this flavor? What's a favorite dish or beverage you enjoy that calls for lemons? 

I am a huge, huge lemon fan! I don't care for lemonade though, strangely. I love lemon desserts, such as the surreal lemon bars pictured up top. Lemon cake, lemon cookies, lemon sorbet, all delicious.

3. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...is this something you're pretty good at managing? Have you had to do this recently? If so tell us about it. 

Absolutely, and I think it's the only way to be happy unless you're incredibly lucky to get everything you want. Life is full of disappointments, and you have to be able to adapt to them, change your goals, lower your expectations, etc., if you don't want to spend all your time moaning about what might have been. I try not to go down the "if only" road too often, and my personal motto/ mantra is more in line with it is what it is, so now deal with it.

In the last few years, I decided to completely give up on the idea of being paid to write in any way at all. Some of my writer friends still struggle to eke a few bucks out of the various self-publishing platforms, but to me it's not worth bothering with. First, I despise marketing. Second, even when I forced myself to do some, it had minimal results. Third, I don't want to write to please an audience; I much prefer writing to please myself. How did I "make lemonade" out of this? I self-published two final poetry books just to satisfy my OCD with zero expectation of sales, and also I returned to blogging ~ fun writing that makes me happy!

4. Something you love that is lemon yellow in color? 

I adore lemon-yellow roses, even if they set off an allergy attack. I think they're prettier than red roses.

5. How would you describe your attention to detail? 

Insane. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I am relentless about catching/ fixing them. This doesn't only apply to typos, but also includes consistency in various forms. I also obsessively straighten stuff up and make sure that all objects are either at right angles or deliberately and pleasingly off-center.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

For an introvert who needs a lot of alone time, I sure have a lot of social plans coming up!

Sunday Noodling...

 

Yummy udon noodles (my photo)

Even though the air quality around me has generally been in the acceptable zone (except for one day last week), my eyes have been SO UNBEARABLY ITCHY again. Sometimes they get so bad, I have to hold a cold, wet paper towel over them. Generally, I am better off when I can stay indoors, but I do have to go to work. And to game nights. And to the grocery store. Oh well. It could be worse ~ I could be blind.

I bought an automatic cat feeder for the (very rare) nights I might not be home at 6-7pm to feed Inky on our established schedule, but programming it takes a degree in rocket science. I have it sitting behind me in parts right now so as not to use up the batteries while I'm trying to figure it out. I decided to take a break to blog instead. I'm only going to use the auto-feeder once in a while, but even so I need to test it out when I'm home to be sure it works. The meals via the feeder will be kibble, of course, and Inky is on a wet food diet, which she seems pretty happy with, but luckily she adores kibble. She'd probably be happier eating it every meal instead of the wet, but vet says wet is best, so that's what we're doing except for the rare occasions I'm out at dinnertime. 

For a while now, I've been participating in Fandango's Flashback Friday, but that will be coming to an end shortly because all my old blogs have disappeared from the Wayback Machine. It's funny that I requested removal some time ago, but they asked for a whole bunch of information that I didn't have access to, so I let it go. Since then, I've made use of it by scavenging for old posts I can use for the FFF prompt, but now I will only have the previous two years of this blog, which isn't a lot. I wasn't even blogging every day in 2024 or even for most of 2025. Don't get me wrong: I am happy I have been cut from the internet archive. It bothered me to be on there in the first place after I learned it existed. This current blog is randomly getting crawled by them, despite the fact that I opted out of searches and stuff. Whatever.

Regarding stats, the daily views still seem to be too high, but I'm trying not to obsess about it. They're no longer over 1000, but even 300 seems out of line, considering the minuscule number of comments I get per post, not counting my own. I know people often read without comment (I do too), but even so. Not sure about this Feedly app I'm using either, as huge chunks of time pass with no updates, and I know it's not a true picture, since I follow myself. Last week, one of my own posts didn't show up in Feedly for over 24 hours. That said, Feedly is better by far than Blogger's reader, so unless something else comes to my attention, I guess I will continue to use it.

I went to Michael's this morning to get a birthday present for my friend, and all the Halloween stuff was out. Whether or not I end up doing anything special for Halloween this year, it still gives me great joy to see all the decorations. Too bad Party City has disappeared (the tiny little section they set up in Staples does not count); I used to love going in throughout the year to browse their costumes and accessories.

If anyone cares, I'm still working out every day. Some of the Leslie Sansone videos I bought off eBay aren't as great as the ones I already had, but that's fine... they still provide some variety. I need to go do one now, finish dealing with the cat feeder, and maybe schedule more posts for the week. It's getting up to the dreaded end-of-month at work, so you know what that means. Super stress!

Plans and More Plans

Yummy udon noodles (my photo)

I’m noodling over a couple questions in this week’s edition of John Holton’s Writer’s Workshop. Join in, if you like.

What is something the past did better than the present day?

People were better at sticking with plans in the past, at least in my experience, and I attribute this to the lack of cell phones. Before cell phones, it was often difficult to connect with someone at the last minute to change the details of an event or to cancel altogether, so people were more likely to keep to the original plan. Ghosting was rare, in my experience, with dates or otherwise ~  you didn’t want to get a bad reputation as a “flake.”

That said, I love my cell phone, as it allows me to keep in constant touch with my daughters via texts and pics. Otherwise, I would probably only hear from them once a week with a phone call like we did in the days of old. Oh, and FaceTime lets me see and chat with my grands at random times! Love that. 

What do you hope to accomplish in the second half of this year?

As I have mentioned before (and will likely mention again, bwahahaha), I began an exercise program on June 1. It was Leslie Sansone’s 30 Day Challenge to “burn and firm.” I stuck to it faithfully, and although I felt good about it, I didn’t really notice any improvement in my physical appearance. However, it’s now a week into the second month, and not only have I kept up the exercise habit, I’ve also increased the level. I bought heavier hand weights, stretchy bands, and a bunch of new Leslie vids so I don’t get bored. While a couple months back, 20 minutes of light walking exhausted me, last night I did 3 miles (42 minutes), plus a floor routine for “sculpting.” I was tired afterward, but not excessively. 

Finally, I am noticing that my body is leaner and more toned, so during the second half of 2026, I want to keep increasing my fitness level, both for health and vanity reasons. My blood pressure is lower already, and I am hoping that my cholesterol numbers will be better when I get my physical in a few weeks, but who knows. Even with exercise and eating right, this may be more of a genetic issue. They say that balance will improve as the core strengthens, so hopefully that will help me avoid falls, which is sadly a common problem among the elderly. 

I also want to switch up my reading to get out of the thriller/ romance rut, and I have started doing that (a little), and I hope to find my painting spark again, as I really enjoy it once I am in the mood.

Wish me luck with my plans! It’s not only about having willpower and motivation… I also need the universe not to throw impediments in my way, such as blackouts and backaches.

Spark My Interest

Sparking light bulb image from Pixabay

So many things spark my interest that it can be hard to focus. There are always a zillion books I want to read, a zillion minus x shows I would like to watch, poetry to write, pictures to paint, exercise routines to try... Not everything ignites however; most of my ideas don't go anywhere. For example, I saw Jim's post yesterday about slang terms and thought of the fun word "delulu," a softer way to say hey you're nuts for thinking that. I decided to write a triolet, but it fizzled. That happens a lot. I don't want to post a meh poem because I did too much of that on my old blog just to participate in prompts. Now, you may believe that all my poetry is meh, and I wouldn't argue! The poems I post on this blog though are ones that please me, which is good enough, but the delulu one wasn't meant to be.

The other day at work, I saw the most beautiful screensaver first thing in the morning (it was probably AI generated) of gorgeous purple flowers in the foreground, stunning greenery, vivid blue water, fluffy clouds, and a whole bunch of pretty trees. I took a photo of it with the idea of painting a triptych, which is a set of three pictures, related to but slightly different from each other. I was very excited to begin this project on the weekend, but it is now the weekend, and my interest has waned. I'm sitting here typing this post at the table where I normally paint, and I feel no desire to get out my painting supplies. I lost my spark.

What has kept my interest lately is exercise! I know, how weird. I had this old Leslie Sansone Walk at Home video that I used periodically, but I was a bit bored with it. On impulse, I ordered her 30 Day Challenge video and did it faithfully through the month of June. I am not here to testify to some miracle now, as I don't think anything really changed. I weigh the same, and I look the same amount of flabby. My clothes don't fit any better, and I still would not be comfortable wearing a swimsuit in public. But I feel really good! I feel so good that I ordered a couple more of her vids during Prime days and 5 more of her videos off eBay! I've been mixing up the routines and doing two per day on days I don't work, one in the morning and one in the late afternoon. I just love it. I love it so much that I go to sleep and wake up planning which ones to do. Here's an even more bizarre thing: I used to do these videos with music only so I didn't have to listen to Leslie's jabbering, but now I like her jabber. I feel inspired by her silly pep talks and giggly banter with Nick Drago, one of the cute walkers she has on a lot of videos. OK, I admit I kind of have a crush on him even though he's in his 40s and was way younger than that on these vids from around 2010-2015. I'm a bit disappointed that he doesn't appear on one of the videos I bought, but it's a women-only one, so OK. 

Idk what happened to Leslie as she suddenly retired from all the things. I hope she's not in ill health or something (she's 65 like me, so not super old but not young either), but I wouldn't pay to subscribe to her channel because neither she nor Nick seem to be performing any longer. Not sure what exactly Nick is up to (can't really find out that much via stalking his Instagram, not that I did, lol), but he appears to be married to this gorgeous blonde named Chelsea, so it's best to just forget about him. Oh, I was going to do that Great Minds Think prompt about being immortalized by transporting myself into a video and making Nick Drago fall in love with me, but that seemed even more ridiculous than saying I would like to be immortalized by all my great writing, so it was a no-go. Lost my Nick Drago fantasy spark, alas.

Anyway. Happy 4th, whether you're sparking or not. Sparking used to mean courting, you know, not in our modern sense of hooking up aka "dating" (barf), but in the sitting on the porch swing with a glass of lemonade within earshot of the parents kind of way. Very sweet and chaste with no ghosting allowed because everyone knew you were there. You could spark more than one person at a time because, after all, it was only lemonade, but even so it all was supposed to lead to marriage and the whole nine yards.

~*~

Written for Linda's Stream of Consciousness Saturday (spark).

Father's Day Hodgepodge

Dad and me in 2011, RIP

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week. Happy Father's Day!

1. Summer's here!  In the northern hemisphere anyway. If you're in the southern hemisphere substitute winter for the word summer. What do you love most about summer? What's your biggest summer pet peeve? 

I love that my commute gets better because school's out. I love the Orange County Fair. I love warm days and popsicles dripping down my hand.

Toward the end of summer, the beastly dry and hot Santa Ana winds return. Instead of wind blowing from the ocean, it blows toward the ocean, filling our coastal air with all the dirt and dust from Inland California. It's really disgusting and gives me a migraine.

2. What song always reminds you of summer? 

Anything by the Beach Boys, of course! 

3. What's something you remember about your childhood summers? Do you think kids today get to enjoy summer the way you did as a child? Elaborate. 

Going to the beach with my mom. Trying to learn how to draw dogs from a book. Playing Battleship and Clue with neighborhood friends. Pretending our picnic table was a pirate ship. Riding my bike to Dairy Queen for a Mr. Misty. Reading romance novels. Watching TV. Trying to get a tan. Spending a lot of time alone.

I'm not one who likes to wax rhapsodic about the olden days when everything was supposedly better. I think that's BS, honestly. I had a lot of lonely times, and I was bored a lot too. Maybe today's kids are scheduled a little too much, but overall I think it's cool that parents try to make sure they have fun things to do with other kids during summer, while also learning new skills and getting exercise.

4. We celebrate Fathers Day on June 21st. Do you favor your dad in looks or temperament? Tell us something about your dad. Or your husband as a dad. Or a son/son-in-law as a dad. Or your grandpa. 

As you can see from the above pic, I look a lot like my dad. My temperament is similar to his as well: I'm introverted, introspective, and wordy. Usually I'd make fudgy brownies or chocolate chip cookies for my dad on Father's Day ~ he had a big sweet tooth, as I do. I miss him.

5. Let's wrap up with a summer this or that:

flip flops or sandals

beach or pool 

watermelon or peaches

shorts or sundress

iced coffee or ice cold lemonade

amusement park or water park

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

My ex-husband, the father of my children, is dying in hospice. It's a tough time for us right now, and I may not post or comment much this week. 

Thanks for understanding.

The Rainbow Cake Disaster

 

AI generated image of a rainbow layer cake

I tripped and fell down up the stair

And smashed the rainbow cake to bits

I cried and yelled it was not fair

I tripped and fell down up the stair

I made this scrumptious cake to share

Now splat upon the ground it sits

I tripped and fell down up the stair

And smashed the rainbow cake to bits

~*~

Triolet written for Sammi Scribbles Prompt #473 (rainbow). I used the title as part of my 64 words, which might be "cheating," but I couldn't drag out the lines any further. This is a true story, btw. In June of 2024, I took a class at Sur La Table where we made rainbow cakes. There were five layers of different colored sponge cakes, and we glopped frosting atop each one to make them stick together. Then we frosted the top and sides, plus decorated the whole thing however we chose with more frosting and sprinkles. Who knew that this would turn into a super heavy monstrosity? The cakes were each so light! I could barely lug the thing to my car, and then I made the bad decision of carrying it up the stairs at my place instead of using the elevator. I tripped and fell on top of the cake, which was a total loss, plus I was all bruised up in a variety of places. I even went to the doctor because I thought I had broken a rib. I know, it's hard to imagine how my ribs were involved in this mess, but I fell frontward onto concrete steps, and cake does not break a fall as much as one might think! Anyway, no broken bones resulted, just bruises that took a long time to fade, plus a dented ego and a ruined cake. (I did hobble back out there and clean it all up.)

PS: This is the first time I've blogged about this or mentioned it in public. In June of 2024, I was on a blog break ~ actually I thought I would never blog again, but a couple months later I had an insatiable need to write about a movie I'd just seen, so here we are.

The Grumpy Eleven

Crystal Cove, CA

I’m participating in John Holton’s Writing Workshop this week with an eleven-sentence grumpy post about things I currently hate, and this sentence counts as the first sentence, since I know how to follow rules unlike some bloggers.

I am sick of hearing about the reflecting scum pool and will immediately click away from any piece of writing that mentions it.

I dgaf about Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO, their cheating, their health issues, or their divorce, and I shouldn’t even know these things except they keep headlining.

The big stupid wedding coming up — ughhh, GTFO of my newsfeed.

I am continually enraged by the people at my condo complex who keep missing the giant garbage bin and leave their disgusting trash splattered all over the ground.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night due to my chronic insomnia only to see an article about how lack of proper sleep causes dementia.

What was I talking about again?

I need a recipe for lumpy cookies that could be called “moon rocks” for a party next month (friends celebrate the anniversary of the first moon launch every July), and they need to be vegan (eye-roll), so please give me relevant suggestions.

I’m proud of myself for sticking flawlessly to my new exercise plan—and now after two weeks it’s become a happy habit, which means I don’t struggle to remember to do it, despite my dementia.

I reported a bus driver to OCTA last night for driving dangerously, and now I feel guilty about it because what if the poor driver was having a terrible day or has insomnia or his wife just ran off with Jelly Roll?

I lied—I don’t feel the least bit guilty.

Remarkably Bright Creatures (book and movie)

Screenshot of RBC book cover

SPOILERS GALORE! BEWARE!

I’m surprised that I didn’t love this book because in general I enjoy books about animals. It wasn’t really about animals though; it was about people. The sections narrated by Marcellus the octopus were much briefer than the rest of the chapters, which was a bummer. He had a wonderful droll, sarcastic voice, and it would have been great to spend more time in his POV. Instead, we are rapidly introduced to a whole bunch of humans, and I had a hard time keeping track ~ by page 35, we had 18 characters and that number kept growing. It was so tedious to read the backstories of all these folks. Why do I care about Tova's "Knit-Wit" friends when I barely have been introduced to Tova, the main character? And then a random 30 year old grungy musician (Cameron) is flung at us, along with his aunt, her boyfriend, bandmates, etc. Huh? I know Cameron will tie into the MC's storyline later, but there was so much unnecessary detail about the side characters early in the book. Many authors make this mistake. Well, I think it's a mistake. In The Correspondent, another overrated book (imo), the same thing happened.

Moving on. I began to get the feeling from the cryptic clues that Tova's son Erik was murdered due to some drug smuggling type of incident or whatever. I thought that Marcellus was going to help solve the crime in an interesting way. Marcellus did solve a mystery, but it had nothing to do with a crime ~ Erik died in exactly the way the police said he did. That was a letdown after the buildup. What Marcellus did was make it blindingly obvious that Cameron was Tova's grandson. Cameron's mom had bequeathed him his father's high school class ring, which had ERIK'S INITIALS on it the whole time, but Cameron chased down some other elusive friend of his mother's instead. That all was effing ridiculous, and a few times I almost abandoned the book altogether.

Then there were the totally cringe romances happening. One was Cameron's awkward courtship of a local prickly single mom; the other was the gossipy grocer's pursuit of Tova. Gah. The entire Pacific NW town was full of weird, socially inept people, which made me long for more narration from the octopus. I ended up giving the book three stars, which was generous, because I loved Marcellus and cried at the end.

*

I didn't have high hopes for the RBC movie on Netflix after (finally) finishing the book, but the movie was better than the book! Usually it's the other way around for me. The movie smartly streamlined the story to focus on Nova, Cameron, and Marcellus. We didn't have to wade through intros to all the other people in their lives. The romances were much less awkward too. We still didn't get enough narration from Marcellus, but on the other hand, we got a lot less tedious gobble about the ring, Cam's search for the friend who wasn't actually his dad, the smitten grocer, blah blah blah. When Cam's mom died, she left him her gross van full of junk, which included the class ring, and as soon as Cam figured out that his father was in the PNW, he hightailed it up there. In the book, we had to go through this nonsense of his aunt lending him money and giving him a box of crap to sort through, his purchase of the cruddy old van, his relationship with the band members, etc. It was all so BORING! I wasn't at all bored during the movie. The plot actually made more sense in the film version, and we weren't given any misdirection about Erik's death. The ending was super lovely too. I'd give the movie 4 stars.

*

I began a couple of June challenges. One is a reading challenge via my online book club. I know I said I wasn't going to do those anymore because I end up reading crummy books just to fulfill a category, but I am doing it anyway. My plan is to review the books here on my blog, but we'll see if that happens. My original plan for this blog was to post mostly book and movie reviews and avoid meaningless prompts, but I ended up doing some prompts too. What can I say ~ I enjoy them.

The other challenge is Leslie Sansone's get fit in 30 days video. It's not that strenuous, so I think I can do all the things without hurting myself. (I hope.) I did the first 30 minute aerobic session tonight, which seemed fine, vigorous, but not overwhelming. I did just take some ibuprofen though. Three times per week we do that, and three times per week we do some kind of stretching session. I guess we have Sundays off.

Inky is doing great on her plan and clocked in at 9.9 pounds today. Yay! If we could get down to 9.5, that would be even better. The vet should be pleased when we go for our September checkup.

Sleepy Hodgepodge

The puzzle I finished tonight (image on box cover)

I'm joining in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week. It's been a stressful month-end (again) at work, so I am looking forward to better sleep, exercise, healthier eating, etc., now that I can relax a bit. Hopefully, June month-end won't be as nuts, but I am not holding my breath.

1.What's something you find extremely difficult that most people would say is simple?

Lately, sleeping. In the past, dating.

2.  "And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow fast in movies I  had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Does the season of summer make you feel this way? Elaborate. 

No. I guess I have never lost the school mindset. To me summer is the break between the end and the beginning, which is September. I think of summer as a lazy lull, not "real life." 

3. Pickles. Love 'em or no thank you? What's your favorite type of pickle? What's something you eat that definitely needs a pickle added?

Uh, I guess I'm "pickle neutral." I don't hate them, but I never think about them either. If I never had another one, I'd be fine. I like them on cheeseburgers, except I never seem to order cheeseburgers these days. Those would be sweet pickles; I don't like the big sour deli ones because heartburn.

4. Tis the season...do you know any June brides? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? What's your favorite movie wedding? 

I don't think I know any June brides, and there are no weddings coming up on my calendar. My favorite movie wedding is in Mamma Mia (the first one) when Sam proposes to Donna after Sophie decides that she and Sky should wait. Second runner up is Jane and Kevin's wedding in 27 Dresses.

5. June 1st is/was National Say Something Nice Day...say something nice here. 

I had fun today taking a cookie decorating class with my friend Jenny. It's great to be able to spend time with her ~ we have been friends for about 30 years now. Amazing!

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I finally finished the panda puzzle today. It was the hardest puzzle I've done in a long time, and I'll do an easier one next time. I don't enjoy taking weeks to finish, but of course once I start I have to stay the course. 

I really hope I can get a good night's sleep tonight. I am so tired.

Flashback Friday: Gatsby

Gatsby and me, near the end

I'm participating in Fandango's Flashback Friday today with a post from this blog on May 29, 2025. I had just lost my sweet kitty Gatsby, and the grief was so raw. I still miss my little guy, but now I have Inky to love too. She's a doll. I forgot about that excruciating leg pain from sitting weirdly on the floor to put together my bookshelf. It lasted a long time!

PS: I have even more unread physical books now, but fewer TBR on my Kindle. I have also given up the idea of keeping a series on principle; I keep only the books I love. There just isn’t enough space!

Spoke Too Soon...

Yesterday I mentioned that my headaches have decreased in the past couple weeks; I speculated that this might be because of all the Advil I am taking for my leg pain. Welp, today I have a migraine so there goes that idea out the window. The good news is that finally today my leg is feeling a little better. Maybe a lot better, hard to say. It was super stiff and hurty when I first woke up, but by the time I got to work it felt OK. Still feels OK mid-afternoon. We shall see how it ends up tonight. 

Forgot to say yesterday that I received the sweetest condolence card from the Cat Clinic signed by all the staff and the doctors. Made me cry so hard. I just love them. Loved the peeps at the emergency vet too, but it wasn’t the same because they didn’t know us. They were super kind and gentle ~ I really appreciated them at such a sad time. They also sent a condolence card, but it was for Pistachio. No idea if that’s even a cat since they take doggos there too. Oh well. Sorry for those who love Pistachio… did they get Gatsby’s card? Who knows.

I put the rainbow bridge card from the Cat Clinic on my new bookcase. Definitely a keepsake.

*

I wrote the above yesterday afternoon with the intention of finishing the post last night, but life had other plans. My book club friend S stopped by last night with a bag of gifts. I thought she was delivering prezzies to all the club members, but no. I won’t be able to attend the next meeting due to my granddaughter’s birthday party time conflict, and they had all contributed to memorial gifts for Gatsby, so she brought those by. I keep tearing up over the kindness and generosity of these wonderful women. I posted a pic of the beautiful heart-shaped plaque on IG: it’s a pic of his sweet face with a “forever in my heart” message.

We chatted for a while, and after she left I rearranged my bookshelf to accommodate the new Gatsby-related items I want to display. Then I became obsessed with completing my book inventory and forgot all about this blog post. I am still overwhelmed by how supportive everyone has been over the loss of my little buddy. The grief isn’t linear, and sometimes hours can pass where I’m OK, but then it all hits me again. As I said, I don’t want to forget Gatsby; I welcome the grief and tears. He was such a large, loving part of my life (and his memory still is). He deserves to stay uppermost in my thoughts.

My leg was better last night, but I didn’t sleep well, and it’s pretty sore again this morning. Physical pain isn’t always linear either, though I’m trying to be optimistic. It seems to be improving overall. I’m still being very cautious and babying myself… not that I normally do a whole bunch of jumping around. 

If anyone cares, I have 81 unread physical books in my possession and 104 on my Kindle. That may not sound like a lot to a book lover, but until I joined the online club last fall, I had only a very small pile of unread books on a little shelf because I would read them as soon as I got them. This huge number stresses me out, especially regarding the dead tree books. I need to read them and get rid of them! A few I will keep, but most will be given away or donated. I keep poetry books, nonfiction (that I enjoy), and series. Unlike a Kindle, my home does not have enough space to store a massive quantity of read books!

Reggae Hodgepodge

 

Image from Pixabay

I'm participating in this week's Hodgepodge, which is hosted by Joyce @ From This Side of the Pond. Before I start responding to the questions, since it's Memorial Day here in the USA, I want to take a moment to express gratitude toward anyone who has served our country. RIP. I am also grateful for the local fire departments and California statewide response to the toxic chemical tank situation in Garden Grove (about 5 miles from my place). The latest update is that, due to a crack in the tank, some of the pressure has been relieved, and the temperature of the methyl methacrylate has dropped. They said that the danger of a massive explosion has been eliminated, but there still could be a smaller one, so the evacuation order remains in place. Thankfully, I am outside that zone.

1. Do you like your name? Are you named after someone (grandparent, etc.)? If you have children how did you choose their names? 

I do not like my name. I don't care for girls' names that are boys' names with an A stuck on the end. It has always annoyed me, but least it's short and easy to spell. My parents were considering Pamela as well as Paula, and I wish they'd chosen Pamela. As far as my daughters' names, Diane was always my favorite, and Sharon was my ex's pick, which I liked. My big "thing" with them was to avoid the super-popular names and also anything weird. The names we went with were slightly out of fashion, yet everyone has heard of them (and can spell them).

2.  A piece of red velvet cake, a scoop of vanilla ice cream or a slice of blueberry pie? You can only have one...which will you choose? If you could pick any red, white, or blue dessert other than those listed here, what would you choose? 

Right now, it's pretty warm, so I'll go with the vanilla ice cream. Normally, I'm cold and would choose the RV cake and hot tea. I do love blueberry pie too. If I could choose my own patriotic-themed dessert, I'd pick strawberries and whipped cream.

3.  What's a job you'd like to try for just one day? 

None. I'm just waiting to retire from the one I have so I can blissfully ignore Outlook emails.

4. Any patriotic decor in your home currently or coming up this summer? 

No. My housemate and I don't decorate for any holidays. 

5. It's the end of May, so let's exercise our brains. Sum up your month with an acrostic using the word MAY. We can do it!!  

Migraines plagued me as usual; I've had better months, and I've had worse.
Anxiety dropped rapidly at the beginning of the month and returned for month-end work issues.
Yummy meals included a high tea luncheon in San Juan Capistrano with my friend Lisa and a veggie quesadilla in Dana Point with my daughter Diane and her husband Sam.

6. Insert your own random thought here.

Today I'm going to a reggae concert with friends and am wearing reggae colors because I like themes: a long yellow tee-shirt top and beaded/ flower bracelets in yellow, black, green, and red. I'm also wearing a beaded necklace in those colors with a "queen" pendant that I fashioned out of one of the earrings that came with the accessories package. I can't wear long dangling earrings because of my paper thin earlobes, so I improvised. I saved the other earring for Lisa, but I don't know if she'll want it.