Some Golden Thoughts

Beware of spoilers in this post for the current season of Bachelor Nation!

On Thursday night I watched the season premiere of the Golden Bachelorette (it streams on Hulu one day after it appears on ABC). Even though I have only seen a few Bachelor Nation seasons now (two regular ones plus Gerry Turner, the first Golden B), they are all starting to blur into samey sameness. First, there’s an intro where the star describes some past struggles and announces s/he is ready for love. Then they dress in a tuxedo or evening gown at the Bachelor Mansion to meet a pile of possibilities (20-25) who all seem fabulous ~ and the B acts like any one of them could be his/her soul mate. It’s all physical attraction in episode one, though they pretend otherwise. The convos are too brief to illustrate any depth of character or reveal any red flags. As the season progresses, we repeatedly hear the star say they hope to get “clarity” by spending more time with one or more of the contenders, though by far the dates are mostly exciting adventures that still don't reveal much about a person's values. It's a given that to be on the show at all you're an outgoing, adventurous type who is up for spontaneous fun and won't cringe at the idea of jumping out of a plane or whatever crazy thing. In other words, not me. Point is, there is no big reveal that someone is an exuberant risk-taker, since they're all filtered for that quality before they set foot in the mansion.

Side note: everyone is angry with Devin Strader for “leading Jenn on” last season and dumping her a few months after they got engaged, but let's remember that  the contestants do not get to view the show until after it wraps. Jenn declared that she was in love with Marcus toward the end, but he was hesitant while Devin was gushing his feelings, so Jenn decided to propose to Devin, a supposed sure thing. It did seem that Jenn's main goal was to be engaged not to find "her lifetime person" and wait for him to sort out his feelings. If Jenn's goal was to find true love, she would have waited for Marcus, who may or may not have come around to feel mad love for her, but if she really loved him she wouldn't have immediately pivoted to Devin. So, I can understand that when Devin finally watched the show he felt he was Jenn’s second choice. Because he was! I am not defending him otherwise, as he seems like a big drama magnet, and his actions after the final show prove that even more. I'm just saying I do get this one aspect of his behavior.

OK, back to the moldy oldies. Like the 20-somethings, Joan (61) had to immediately eliminate some of the men, based upon almost nothing. To her credit, she said she felt bad about doing that and didn't have much to go on. She also had to give one of the keepers a "first impression rose," based upon their brief interactions during the first few hours. The show makes such a big deal of this, but it means zilch at this point in time. Joan says that Keith made her feel safe and comfortable, like a big teddy bear, so OK, not that this sounds very romantic to me. Isn't it a given that none of the contestants make you feel unsafe? That seems like a very low bar.

One of the reasons I enjoy the BN shows is because they remind me again what a crapshoot dating is, and how people often make such bizarre decisions that you should never take them personally. I know that some people have success via the sites, even when older, and blah blah blah, but it was a terrible experience for me. One of the reasons for that is because I am unable to compartmentalize my feelings. I can't meet someone for lunch, hit it off, give him a kiss, feel like there's possibility, and then lock that feeling away so I can meet a different guy for dinner and give him my undivided attention. I'm simply not wired to do that, while it appears that all the B's can do this very well. Not to mention the fact that men are generally better at it than women, and a man has no problem pretending to fully focus on one woman while secretly plotting/hoping to meet someone hotter the second their date ends. Yes, I know, not all men, whatever. Let’s go back to Jenn Tran for a second. I don’t know how anyone could think she was anything other than totally sexy, adorable, beautiful, etc., yet a couple of her potentials complained that they were expecting a different B (blonde Daisy or fiery Maria). So there you have it, friends: even the cutest girl in the world isn’t cute enough for some men. Joan is utterly stunning, btw, like an older supermodel, while her suitors are mostly ordinary looking geezers, imo.

One thing that strikes me about the older B’s is that they have full lives, careers, families, friends, etc., in a particular location, so it seems a bit weird that their potentials are from all over the country. When Gerry and Theresa split a few months after their marriage, it seemed that this was the main issue: he didn’t want to leave the dream home he had built in Indiana, while she had a full life plus grandchildren in New Jersey. I hope the producers have done a better job this go-round of selecting people who are willing to move, since Joan's suitors are also from all over the US. While in a romance novel you travel to the ends of the earth to be with your honey, in real life, not so much. I mean, heck, I ran into guys on dating sites who weren’t even willing to drive to Orange County to meet me (I occasionally drove to them, but this invariably worked out badly). I remember one man in particular, an attorney, who said his date had to live within five miles of West Los Angeles. That struck me as so absurd that I wrote a poem about him, and it’s one of my favorite pieces of writing to this day. Yes, I stalked him and know exactly who he is and where he works.

As I said above, Joan is stunningly beautiful. Most of the B stars are, whether male or female, though in my opinion, the male B’s get to choose from an array of gorgeous gals, while the female B’s get a more varied assortment of men. Each one of the women in Joey G’s group was amazingly pretty, while not all of Jenn’s men were handsome. (I am expressing my subjective opinion here, but you can do your own research.) Furthermore, not a single one of Joan’s possibilities is a 10 like she is, in my view. Here is yet another superficial observation: all the women must be slim, whether they are the star B or a possible match, but it is OK for a man to be fat. That’s the last taboo, not Black, Asian, mixed religion, whatever, but chubby chicks. Now, I am not talking about a chunky woman matched with an overweight man, but a volumptuous* goddess having her pick of a pack of buff bachelors or a classically handsome male B falling for one or more extra-curvy ladies.

Think that’ll ever happen? LOL

I will have more profound insights to share as the season progresses.

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*This is how we spell voluptuous ever since someone (a guy) spelled it that way in a poem for a college creative writing class.