Lemony Hodgepodge

Lemon bars via Meta AI

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week by answering the following questions.

1. Do your goals and dreams energize or exhaust you? Elaborate. 

It depends on specifics. I bought a cat feeder to program, and it's so complicated that it exhausts me to think about it, but I will do it. (I'm writing this on Sunday to post on Monday, and hopefully by the time your read this, the programming will be sorted out!) My exercise goals are both tiring and energizing simultaneously ~ I get tired from 30-45 minutes of aerobics, but it feels good, so I'm excited to do it again the next day. As far as dreams, I don't have them on a grand scale the way I used to (finding love, getting published, becoming wealthy, etc.), which is good because I'm happier if I stick with boring daily goals that I can actually achieve. I don't buy into the cliché that you're never too old to do X thing. Hell yeah I am too old to do a lot of things!

2. July 23rd is national lemon day. Are you a fan of this flavor? What's a favorite dish or beverage you enjoy that calls for lemons? 

I am a huge, huge lemon fan! I don't care for lemonade though, strangely. I love lemon desserts, such as the surreal lemon bars pictured up top. Lemon cake, lemon cookies, lemon sorbet, all delicious.

3. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"...is this something you're pretty good at managing? Have you had to do this recently? If so tell us about it. 

Absolutely, and I think it's the only way to be happy unless you're incredibly lucky to get everything you want. Life is full of disappointments, and you have to be able to adapt to them, change your goals, lower your expectations, etc., if you don't want to spend all your time moaning about what might have been. I try not to go down the "if only" road too often, and my personal motto/ mantra is more in line with it is what it is, so now deal with it.

In the last few years, I decided to completely give up on the idea of being paid to write in any way at all. Some of my writer friends still struggle to eke a few bucks out of the various self-publishing platforms, but to me it's not worth bothering with. First, I despise marketing. Second, even when I forced myself to do some, it had minimal results. Third, I don't want to write to please an audience; I much prefer writing to please myself. How did I "make lemonade" out of this? I self-published two final poetry books just to satisfy my OCD with zero expectation of sales, and also I returned to blogging ~ fun writing that makes me happy!

4. Something you love that is lemon yellow in color? 

I adore lemon-yellow roses, even if they set off an allergy attack. I think they're prettier than red roses.

5. How would you describe your attention to detail? 

Insane. That doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, but I am relentless about catching/ fixing them. This doesn't only apply to typos, but also includes consistency in various forms. I also obsessively straighten stuff up and make sure that all objects are either at right angles or deliberately and pleasingly off-center.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

For an introvert who needs a lot of alone time, I sure have a lot of social plans coming up!

Father's Day Hodgepodge

Dad and me in 2011, RIP

I'm participating in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week. Happy Father's Day!

1. Summer's here!  In the northern hemisphere anyway. If you're in the southern hemisphere substitute winter for the word summer. What do you love most about summer? What's your biggest summer pet peeve? 

I love that my commute gets better because school's out. I love the Orange County Fair. I love warm days and popsicles dripping down my hand.

Toward the end of summer, the beastly dry and hot Santa Ana winds return. Instead of wind blowing from the ocean, it blows toward the ocean, filling our coastal air with all the dirt and dust from Inland California. It's really disgusting and gives me a migraine.

2. What song always reminds you of summer? 

Anything by the Beach Boys, of course! 

3. What's something you remember about your childhood summers? Do you think kids today get to enjoy summer the way you did as a child? Elaborate. 

Going to the beach with my mom. Trying to learn how to draw dogs from a book. Playing Battleship and Clue with neighborhood friends. Pretending our picnic table was a pirate ship. Riding my bike to Dairy Queen for a Mr. Misty. Reading romance novels. Watching TV. Trying to get a tan. Spending a lot of time alone.

I'm not one who likes to wax rhapsodic about the olden days when everything was supposedly better. I think that's BS, honestly. I had a lot of lonely times, and I was bored a lot too. Maybe today's kids are scheduled a little too much, but overall I think it's cool that parents try to make sure they have fun things to do with other kids during summer, while also learning new skills and getting exercise.

4. We celebrate Fathers Day on June 21st. Do you favor your dad in looks or temperament? Tell us something about your dad. Or your husband as a dad. Or a son/son-in-law as a dad. Or your grandpa. 

As you can see from the above pic, I look a lot like my dad. My temperament is similar to his as well: I'm introverted, introspective, and wordy. Usually I'd make fudgy brownies or chocolate chip cookies for my dad on Father's Day ~ he had a big sweet tooth, as I do. I miss him.

5. Let's wrap up with a summer this or that:

flip flops or sandals

beach or pool 

watermelon or peaches

shorts or sundress

iced coffee or ice cold lemonade

amusement park or water park

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

My ex-husband, the father of my children, is dying in hospice. It's a tough time for us right now, and I may not post or comment much this week. 

Thanks for understanding.

The Grumpy Eleven

Crystal Cove, CA

I’m participating in John Holton’s Writing Workshop this week with an eleven-sentence grumpy post about things I currently hate, and this sentence counts as the first sentence, since I know how to follow rules unlike some bloggers.

I am sick of hearing about the reflecting scum pool and will immediately click away from any piece of writing that mentions it.

I dgaf about Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO, their cheating, their health issues, or their divorce, and I shouldn’t even know these things except they keep headlining.

The big stupid wedding coming up — ughhh, GTFO of my newsfeed.

I am continually enraged by the people at my condo complex who keep missing the giant garbage bin and leave their disgusting trash splattered all over the ground.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night due to my chronic insomnia only to see an article about how lack of proper sleep causes dementia.

What was I talking about again?

I need a recipe for lumpy cookies that could be called “moon rocks” for a party next month (friends celebrate the anniversary of the first moon launch every July), and they need to be vegan (eye-roll), so please give me relevant suggestions.

I’m proud of myself for sticking flawlessly to my new exercise plan—and now after two weeks it’s become a happy habit, which means I don’t struggle to remember to do it, despite my dementia.

I reported a bus driver to OCTA last night for driving dangerously, and now I feel guilty about it because what if the poor driver was having a terrible day or has insomnia or his wife just ran off with Jelly Roll?

I lied—I don’t feel the least bit guilty.

Sleepy Hodgepodge

The puzzle I finished tonight (image on box cover)

I'm joining in Joyce's Hodgepodge again this week. It's been a stressful month-end (again) at work, so I am looking forward to better sleep, exercise, healthier eating, etc., now that I can relax a bit. Hopefully, June month-end won't be as nuts, but I am not holding my breath.

1.What's something you find extremely difficult that most people would say is simple?

Lately, sleeping. In the past, dating.

2.  "And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow fast in movies I  had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Does the season of summer make you feel this way? Elaborate. 

No. I guess I have never lost the school mindset. To me summer is the break between the end and the beginning, which is September. I think of summer as a lazy lull, not "real life." 

3. Pickles. Love 'em or no thank you? What's your favorite type of pickle? What's something you eat that definitely needs a pickle added?

Uh, I guess I'm "pickle neutral." I don't hate them, but I never think about them either. If I never had another one, I'd be fine. I like them on cheeseburgers, except I never seem to order cheeseburgers these days. Those would be sweet pickles; I don't like the big sour deli ones because heartburn.

4. Tis the season...do you know any June brides? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? What's your favorite movie wedding? 

I don't think I know any June brides, and there are no weddings coming up on my calendar. My favorite movie wedding is in Mamma Mia (the first one) when Sam proposes to Donna after Sophie decides that she and Sky should wait. Second runner up is Jane and Kevin's wedding in 27 Dresses.

5. June 1st is/was National Say Something Nice Day...say something nice here. 

I had fun today taking a cookie decorating class with my friend Jenny. It's great to be able to spend time with her ~ we have been friends for about 30 years now. Amazing!

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I finally finished the panda puzzle today. It was the hardest puzzle I've done in a long time, and I'll do an easier one next time. I don't enjoy taking weeks to finish, but of course once I start I have to stay the course. 

I really hope I can get a good night's sleep tonight. I am so tired.

Earth Day Hodgepodge

Grand Canyon scrapbook page

Warning: this is a long post, full of asides and pointless meandering.

Here are some random questions relating to Earth Day coming up on April 22. I found them on From This Side of the Pond. It's not likely I will remember to return to that post on Wednesday to link up or whatever the rules are ~ I am not big on blogging rigmarole, which is why when I participate in the poetry prompts I don't do "Mr. Linky," even though I would get more readers that way. It's nice having an audience (yay for A2Z!), but I am too lazy to jump through hoops to get it. This is also why I refuse to do any marketing for my books, though I may put up a page one of these days. I've been thinking about doing a few pages ever since I started A2Z because t's nice to sum up the links all in one place.

But seriously folks, I don't get it. Why create a post for people to respond to, which should be fun and easy-peasy, but instead of just accepting link-backs at the time people post, you make these rules about putting your link on another site (Mr. Linky) or telling people they need to return on a different day to post their link in comments? I also don't understand "blog hops" that require a code. A CODE?! Why can't you just post links to blogs/ posts you find interesting and suggest people pop over to check them out? Whine, whine, whine. Then again idgaf what people do as long as I don't have to participate. It's just perplexing, is all.

1. April 22nd is Earth Day...what's the most 'out of this world' place on earth you've ever visited? Tell us something about it. 

Welp, I'm not a big traveler and haven't been to any exotic locales, but I have visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona twice, and it is pretty awesome. You can get a sense of it from photos, but the sheer hugeness of the thing cannot really be appreciated unless you see it in person. It's definitely breathtaking. In fact, all that I have seen of Arizona generally is incredibly beautiful, particularly Sedona.

The first time I saw the Grand Canyon, I was with my college boyfriend. We had flown from Chicago to  California, so he could pick up an old junky car from his sister, which we planned to drive back. This was over Winter Break, so we had to take the southern route. Naturally, she did not get the car checked out beforehand, and we ended up in a repair shop somewhere in the wilds of California during the first day of our journey. I could say so much about how annoying college boyfriend and his sister were, but who even cares now? Anyway, we did manage to get to the Grand Canyon on the second day, and it was spectacular at sunrise. We stayed only a little while because we needed to get back on the road and head off to New Mexico. Albuquerque was much less spectacular ~ it was actually a dump ~ and we ate dinner at Pizza Hut and took off early the next day toward Texas and then north.

The second time I saw the Grand Canyon, I was with my (ex) husband and daughters, and it was much more fun. We actually stayed a decent amount of time to better appreciate it. The plan was to drive from AZ to Vegas, but during the trek, my (ex) husband took a business call in the car, got all distracted, and only refocused when I pointed out the "Welcome to Utah" sign. Since we were there, we decided to detour to Zion National Park, which is possibly the most beautiful place on earth. We could only do a quick drive through, but even that was incredibly impressive. Even though I am neither a camper nor a hiker (gah!), I can kinda see why people might want to spend some time in close physical contact with this place.

2. A favorite quote, verse, or song lyric with the word earth in it? 

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." ~ Hamlet to Horatio in Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 5 by William Shakespeare. 

Even though this quote is trying to get Horatio (and us) to accept that there are ghosts communicating with us, which I don't believe even though it has happened to me (I don't really think it was a "ghost," but rather my memory of my mother's voice that my mind conjured up when I needed an answer to a question), I still find it intriguing. What interests me is the concept that as fascinating as it is to be an intellectual and live inside one's head doing mathematical proofs and creating philosophical problems to solve on paper, reality can be even more interesting. See: the Grand Canyon.

3. What's the most trivial thing about which you have a strong opinion? 

Uh, Mr. Linky? LOL. Here's the thing: I don't believe that we truly accept something is "trivial" if we feel strongly about it. For example, I might say littering. I HATE LITTERING! But littering isn't trivial, is it? It may seem inconsequential to drop a gum wrapper on the sidewalk, but if everyone did it, the city would be carpeted with gum wrappers. We count on others to not do the thing we're doing. Take non-voters who say that their vote won't matter in the vast sea of votes. Yeah, and if no one voted? I still feel guilty about the primary I failed to vote in that one time. OMG, this whole thing (waves arms) is all my fault! Back to philosophy: this is called the "Tragedy of the Commons." We decide to not waste time researching candidates and marking our ballots because we rely on other people to do just that, but if no one did it we'd have a horrible system where unscrupulous grifters ended up in charge. Oh wait...

4. What's your most commonly used kitchen utensil or tool? What's the last thing you made using that tool? 

A spoon, I guess. I used one this morning to stir milk in my coffee and scoop cat food out of a can into Inky's bowl. Two different spoons! I am not a barbarian.

5. Marilyn (Memphis Bridges) gave me a great book of 3000 questions, and I'm going to try to use one in our Hodgepodge every week. Here is today's - 

What is your greatest extravagance? 

I am not an extravagant person, but I did spend $50 three times recently to decorate cookies, and that might seem a bit excessive. It was fun though! It wasn't just about the tasty cookies obviously ~ it was spending time with friends in an intensive, hands-on class, which required us to focus away from our phones. Confession: I may do it again, though not for May because I do have some self-restraint. Sometimes.

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

This whole post is random. Back at my old WP blog, people seemed to enjoy my pointless meandering posts, and I even created my own personalized image for those posts, but for this one I think I will try to find a pic of the Grand Canyon, as it would be more appropriate for the Earth Day theme. I wish that One Drive could intelligently retrieve photos via keywords from my enormous backup pile, but it does not have the capability to do that like my iPhone does from the iCloud or the Google cloud. If I tell my phone to search for a cat pic, it will grab all cats and maybe some dogs too, but One Drive can only retrieve a pic from a keyword if you've renamed it with that specific word. Who even bothers naming their photos now that our phones make it possible to take a zillion pics per day? At least One Drive sorts by date, so if you remember approximately when you took a photograph, it is theoretically possible to find it again. Theoretically.

Migraines (April A2Z ~ Misty Memories)

Unbaked cookies courtesy of my daughter 

Welcome to my April A2Z posts! This time, I am officially signed up on the challenge sheet and will be visiting other bloggers on the list. My theme is "misty memories," which will include a bunch of rambling about old stuff in my life, and hopefully some of it will be accurate, but if not, there's no one around to contradict me. Today we continue with M for Migraines.

I feel like I’ve had headaches forever, but my first true migraine hit at age 16, while I was making chocolate chip cookies at my friend Kate’s house (Cary, IL). We were nibbling raw dough, as you do, and it certainly wasn’t the first time I had done this. I started to feel nauseated and dizzy, so I went to lie down on her sofa. The pain soon hit, only on one side, like a knife through my temple. I couldn’t tolerate any light, so Kate drove me home in my car, where I stayed on the sofa in the dark until my parents got home. My dad drove Kate home, while my mom gave me an ice pack. Migraines run in both sides of our family, she told me.

I don’t think I had another one for a long time, though I still had plenty of normal headaches. The next one I recall struck on the flight to California (age 22), when I felt so sick and dizzy I could hardly walk off the plane. The sunlight was blinding. I don't know what happened after that... The migraines became more frequent after the move, and I eventually saw a doctor (my dad's), who prescribed Cafergot, the go-to med at the time. It didn't work, so the doc concluded that I didn't have migraines. 

He was a pretty crappy doctor, but my father liked him because he'd been an English major, and they talked about James Joyce. I guess he was good for the standard overweight, middle-aged guy with high BP and cholesterol, but I would have preferred someone who knew more about biology, neurology, etc. Later, I found my own doctors, but until the miracle drug sumatriptan arrived on the scene in the 1990s, no one was of much help.

By the time I tried suma, I was married with children and lived a relatively normal, active life despite being incapacitated by migraines a few times per month. At first, suma was injectable and worked instantly, but then that method became too costly, so I switched to pills. The pills are fantastic, but sometimes they take a while to work. It's fine. I'm one of the lucky ones. Some get no relief from any kind of medication, and some folks’ pain is much more debilitating than mine. I can mostly function with a migraine unless it’s severe. For a while, I also took a preventative called Topamax, which completely knocked out all migraines for a year, but then it stopped working well, plus I didn't like the side effects, so I quit.

Everyone has ideas about migraines. Do this, don't do that. My aunt got relief from pickle juice. Have you heard about the detox from preservatives? Eat more protein. Gluten causes 'em. Fake sugar is poison. Chocolate is the culprit. Cheese! Alcohol! Are you drinking enough water? Yada yada. I've heard them all. Mine do have some triggers: strong perfume and other noxious odors like the smell of tar or paint, cigarette smoke, bright flashing lights, and loud repetitive noise. Other things, such as alcohol, sleep disruptions, and stress may or may not trigger one. Weather is a factor: bright sun, cold wind, low pressure, high pressure, blah blah blah. 

Most days, I wake up with a headache that randomly turns into a migraine once a week or so; other times it just fades away after I start moving around. A hot shower and caffeine usually make me feel much better. Sometimes Excedrin Migraine works so I don't have to take a suma tablet (insurance allows only 9 every 30 days, which is I accept because taking more than that renders the drug less effective). It's rare that I get a migraine later in the day without a trigger present.

I also have chronic neck pain, which gets worse from time to time and can morph into a migraine. There are some topical medications I use to relieve a bit of that. I try to be mindful and deal with these issues as best I can and stay philosophical about it all. Keeping to daily routines and avoiding drama helps to reduce migraine frequency.

Dad's Birthday Today

Dad and me, around 2011

I wrote a birthday post to my dad exactly 10 years ago today on my old WP blog. It's nice that I found it on the Wayback Machine to share again here, lightly edited. He would have been 96 today...

My dad would have been 86 today. He died a little over three years ago, without too much suffering, all things considered. I don’t miss the person he was at the end and rarely think of that person these days. It’s hard to connect the end-person with the man I knew my whole life as my dad. Alzheimer’s is such a horrible disease, shredding the person you know bit by bit into thin strips of nothingness. Even when you occasionally have a somewhat normal conversation with them you know they aren’t really processing it and won’t remember it. And they might not even remember who you are! But we did have a nice visit around Christmas 2012 with my daughters, and he seemed to know them then, so hopefully that was a shining jewel he kept in a locked treasure box somewhere in his tangled mind.

My father was a smart guy. He loved words and crossword puzzles. And he loved the New York Times. When we moved to California in 1983 he gave the LA Times a go for several years, but he eventually returned to the NYT because he missed it so much. Sometimes we attempted to do the toughie Sunday puzzle together, but we were rarely able to finish. He was no slouch at math either ~ he was a numbers guy, an insurance underwriter, manager, VP, and finally EVP. But his greatest strength was his love for people. People liked him and he liked them. They trusted him, and he was trustworthy. He was also a little innocent in some ways, believing that most people were good and they would do good if given the chance.

Dad had a sweet tooth ~ how he loved his desserts! Brownies, ice cream, cookies, cake. I definitely inherited that (as opposed to people who dislike sweets, right). He enjoyed trying new cuisines and new restaurants, but he was totally fine with a burger too. After my mom passed away in 2008 he learned to cook simple things and was very proud of his signature dish ~ shrimp with pasta. We’d usually meet for dinner once a week when he was living on his own.

While Dad loved (loved!) to read, he was not an introvert. He liked to socialize and mingle. He also loved to travel and take long drives to nowhere in particular. Dad was great at reading maps, but he was also fine without a map and didn’t stress about getting lost. He figured everything would sort itself out in due time, no biggie, and he’d see a new town or three in the meantime. Dad was a planner, but definitely not OCD. A big picture guy. Someone else could worry about the deets, and he would go with the flow. Mellow dude. I’m glad he got to go to the UK, his dream trip.

My father was liberal, Jewish, and agnostic. He liked the Doors and Jefferson Airplane and Bette Midler. He’d periodically nag me to read Ulysses, and I still haven’t ever finished more than a third because ugh. He taught me to play chess. (I wish we’d played more chess.) He taught me to love poetry by reading aloud and quoting the greats. He always had a book open and usually more than one. Dad had an intense interest in history and politics. He followed the news religiously. But never sports! We went to a lot of museums. Dad had an eye for art. He was a good photographer, a professional at one point early on while he was thinking about a career in journalism.

He was a good man. He took care of his family. And he was funny.

I love you, Dad.

Cookies (April A2Z ~ Misty Memories)

My first cupcake?

Welcome to my April A2Z posts! This time, I am officially signed up on the challenge sheet and will be visiting other bloggers on the list. My theme is "misty memories," which will include a bunch of rambling about old stuff in my life, and hopefully some of it will be accurate, but if not, there's no one around to contradict me. Today we continue with C for Cookies.

When I was growing up, it seemed like cookies were one of the basic food groups, and it wasn’t until later that I discovered most folks don’t have to eat dessert after every lunch and dinner. For my first decade of life though, it felt perfectly normal.

My father had an enormous sweet tooth. He was happy with any dessert, but his go-to sugary treat was cookies. His favorites were from Nabisco: chocolate marshmallow pinwheels, pecan sandies, fudge stripes, sugar wafers, and any kind of chocolate chip. Oreos were good too. He was not a fan of peanut butter, however.

Some weeks, my mother and I would bake cookies or brownies (our brownies were more like cookies than cake because we used only one egg). Cookies were made from scratch, but the box mix from Duncan Hines for brownies was great, so we used that. Nowadays, I think Ghirardelli has taken the brownie box mix crown (especially when you add mini M&Ms). Usually we made the traditional Tollhouse recipe chocolate chip cookies, except around Christmas, when we went nuts with the cookie press. Green trees with sprinkles (and a tooth-cracking silver sugar ball at the top), red bells, green wreaths (with sprinkles), beige reindeer, etc., all graced our table.

My mom also made rum balls, which I thought were from a super secret recipe, but it turns out that everyone makes them. (Smashed and rolled vanilla wafers with powdered sugar and a rum glaze.) I loved rum balls when I was younger and would sneak them out of their tin before Mom declared they were “ready.” Nowadays though, I find them kind of nauseating. 

Mom made her own special fruitcake too. Dad loved it, but I was not a fan.

I still have a gargantuan sweet tooth and prefer sugary snacks to chips and and salty food. While I went through a cupcake phase, I am back to basics once again with cookies. There are so many varieties, and they're easy to transport. In fact, I am taking another cookie decorating class tomorrow with a couple of coworkers. It's a great way to have a couple hours of fun and tune out everything else (similar to doing jigsaw puzzles and painting). 

Antisocial Butterfly

For an antisocial introverted hermit, I’ve sure been going out and partying a lot! And when I say partying, I mean decorating themed cookies with my book club and hanging with some fellow old folks to talk about grandkids and such. It’s Day Three of this whirlwind of activity, and tonight I am playing online board games with a third group of peeps. Craziness. 

I had a bit of a sad yesterday when I realized that I no longer have any of my old blogs archived. Not sure what happened there, but my new philosophy is to deal with things as they are and not moan and groan about how I wish they would be. Well… maybe a just a little M&G, depending on the sitch. I still have some stuff from my old WP public blog available via the Wayback Machine, which used to annoy me because I never gave them permission to keep my writing available after I delete it, but since it’s too bothersome to get it taken down, I will use it for my own purposes instead.

Good news! I finished the insanely difficult 1000-piece puzzle I began over a week ago (had some help the first day), and now I’m ready for a puzzle break. I think I’ll try sketching something. I printed a swan outline for a guide, so hopefully it turns out decently.

It’s been a struggle in the migraine department with the heat and the wind. Crossing my fingers that tomorrow is better. Oh, I finished Stephen King’s epic time-travel novel 11.22.63, to which I awarded five stars on Goodreads (plus added it to my favorites list). I highly recommend it! Yes, it’s over 800 pages, but it’s so worth the time. I think it was Roy who encouraged me to read the book after I mentioned that I enjoyed the miniseries. Thanks Roy!

What a Drag It Is Getting Old

Still beats the alternative, but dang I am tired and muddle-headed. A migraine has been lurking for a few days, and this morning it hit. TG (science actually) for meds! If it weren’t for sumatriptan, I would probably be unable to keep a full time job. I am coming up to 25 years in August at my current one and intend to stay five more until retirement. Speaking of jobs, we were discussing our first ones in a chat group, and mine was at Walgreens in Illinois. After inadequate training, they stuck me on a cash register during a busy afternoon, and I made a lot of mistakes, which wrecked their computer system (not really, someone just had to go in and hand-reconcile my booboos), so they fired me. I learned however that I was never meant for retail or any kind of public facing position because peopling makes me way too nervous. I was fine at babysitting though! Little strangers don’t give me anxiety… only big ones do. 

It’s funny how some aspects of our personality seem carved in stone from the start. One of my grandchildren is a lot like me ~ introverted, homebody, needs alone time to recharge, dislikes crowds, loves cookies ~ while the other two are social butterflies. I know, I know… everyone loves cookies! I just put that in there to see if you were paying attention. I highly recommend the various varieties of Pepperidge Farm Chessmen, in particular the cinnamon.

As you may have noticed, everyone is required to have an opinion about everything now, but as usual, I am a rebel. Here is a list of things that I dgaf about, and I will be dgaffing about even more things shortly…

1. Bad Bunny

2. Kid Rock

3. Football generally and the Superbowl specifically 

4. Commercials and halftime shows during Superbowls

5. Lyrics that offend snowflakes, especially if they have to be translated first, unless they offend me personally 

6. Nancy Guthrie, as opposed to other recent crime victims who haven’t made headlines 

7. Blake Lively and whatshisface

8. Taylor Swift and whatshisface

9. Jeffrey fucking Epstein because none of the abusers are going to face consequences 

10. (space reserved)

That’s all. Happy Friday the 13th!

Gold Dust Woman

I think I have some Stevie Nicks fans among my handful of readers, so I would like to recommend the biography of her that I finished yesterday Gold Dust Woman. It was written by Stephen Davis (who has written many rock star bios) and published in 2017. It's a long book (450 pages), dense with detail, and can get tedious at times when Davis goes off into tangents, but overall I enjoyed it and gave it four stars. 

It's interesting to me when people have all-consuming passions that rule their lives. My passions are brief and shallow, fluttering across my focus like butterflies, and then off they go. Stevie had many serious problems that impacted her trajectory, yet she persevered until she became the fabulous rock goddess we know and love today. Stevie knew that superstardom was her ultimate destination, and nothing was going to stop her from achieving her dream. I am in awe of that kind of drive.

My writing has stagnated. It's not just that I don't want to get up at 4AM to write before work; I simply don't feel like writing fiction at all, save for a random flash here and there. Poetry is a different animal, and every few weeks I feel a bit of inspiration to knock out some verse. I no longer feel writing is my passion or calling or anything of the sort though. For a while, it was an obsession, and now it isn't. Same goes for painting and other crafts that I loved, sometimes for a few years and other times for a weekend. Take the "neuro art" I tried a few weeks ago: I had every intention of doing a lot more of it, but now I can't be bothered. Will I do another at some point? I don't know. So much intense coloring at one time tends to make my hands ache. I have always enjoyed tabletop jigsaw puzzles and recently did a bunch, but for decades I hadn't touched one. 

Last Saturday I took a cookie decorating class at Grunderfully Delicious with a few book club friends. It was so much fun! My results turned out pretty nice even though it was my first time ~ in the old days, when I baked my own cookies, my idea of decorating was to toss on a few sprinkles and call it a day. Saturday's class was about serious decoration techniques and even included fondant. Fondant! The cookies were delicious, and I have now eaten them all and am ready for another class. I hope she has upcoming ones themed for St. Patrick's Day and/or Easter, and there are Saturday spots available. I'm not quite at the point of taking time off from work for a cookie class, but I do think about them a lot now.

Anyway, I was in a reading slump for a couple days last week where no books appealed to me, but now I'm back to the world of thrillers and romances. In fact, my current read is a novel called How to Kill a Guy in Ten Dates, so it combines the best of both genres. Or the worst, as the case may be.

Debunking Home Cooking Myths

There are benefits to home cooked meals, of course, particularly if you enjoy cooking, but there are also a bunch of myths surrounding home cooking, which is what I am blogging about today. (This is all regarding cooking for one person; if you’re cooking for two or more, this post probably won’t apply.)

The first myth is that cooking is “easy.” Have you taken a look at a recipe lately? They’re like an encyclopedia of ingredients! Not only do you have to forage for all the items (often with some being hard to find), but then you have to put them all together. Every recipe says that their dish will take “20 minutes” of prep time, but guess what? That’s a lie. And then there’s cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. All this trouble is not worth the 15 minutes of pleasure of nomming up a bowl of chili or whatever.

Second, there’s the cost factor. Now, if we’re talking about a filet mignon, then I agree it will likely be less expensive to make that at home as opposed to going to a fancy restaurant (whether it will be as delicious is a different matter). But let’s discuss something I would actually make or order. How about a salad? Restaurant salads are around $20 (plus tax and tip), and you would think it’d be cheaper to make that at home. Not really. To make a comparable salad at home, you would need to buy all the ingredients the restaurant uses, and the only way this would be cheaper than going out is if you used up the leftover ingredients to make salad every day until they were gone. But what if I don’t want the same salad every day for three or four days? Then most of the ingredients will need to be tossed, and suddenly the home salad is no bargain.

Third, there’s the health factor. I like to buy prepared meals for weekday lunches, such as Lean Cuisines, that are portion controlled. Other than the fact that prepared foods are generally too high in sodium, everything else about them works well for me. I’ve tried other options, such as making sandwiches, but bread and lunch meat and cheese and condiments are all high in sodium too, and then I am stuck eating the same type of sandwich every day for a week, which I hate. Same goes for pasta and veggies. That’s a great lunch for a couple days, but then ick no not again. (I do not have much freezer space to store piles of leftovers.) With the pre-prepped meals, I can have different pasta/rice dishes with chicken and veggies all week. No wasted food.

What about taste? I confess I am not a gourmet. Some frozen foods are kind of yuck (pizza, for example), so I avoid those, but most taste fine to me. There’s a dozen or so I like a lot, so these are in constant rotation. I also buy a salad or sandwich from a restaurant once or twice per week to break things up. Do I eat anything at home? Sure! Oatmeal, yogurt and fruit, carrots and dip, grilled cheese sandwiches, tortillas with refried beans, etc. 

Now we arrive at the most important food group of all: dessert! Obviously, I am not going to make candy or ice cream at home because that’s way too time intensive, but until recently I did bake cakes, cookies, brownies, etc. Never pie because that’s too hard, plus you can so easily find good pie out and about (all pie is good pie). I used to enjoy baking ~ I don’t now though, mainly due to so many people being on restricted diets that most of my treats go to waste. Also, goodies from the grocery store have improved so much that it isn’t worth the bother to bake. I brought Christmas cookies from the store to a friend’s house party yesterday, and they were delicious! So soft and buttery with rock crystal sugar sprinkles for texture, not to mention that these were perfectly shaped Santas and snowmen and candy canes, unlike the shapeless blobs that used to result from my pressed cookies. I do admit that I have not yet found a brownie as scrumptious as the ones I made in the past from a Ghirardelli mix plus mini M&Ms…

Well, it’s certainly a good thing I figured out that I no longer have any desire to cook or bake before I meet my next dream man. LOL

We Can Blog If We Want To

Lately I’ve been having a “Safety Dance” earworm, and it seemed appropriate for this post, after over a week of silence. It’s not that I forgot to blog; I simply didn’t feel like it. In the olden days, that would not have stopped me, and I would have churned out writing regardless. But I don’t have to do that now!

 

I can blog when I want to

I can leave my friends behind 

Cuz my friends don’t blog

And if they don’t blog

Well they’re no friends of mine 

I had a very nice Mother’s Day up in Los Angeles with my daughter, SIL, and grands. Saw my daughter’s in-laws too. Also had a fun social event Saturday with my in-person book club at Classic Cafe in Fullerton ~ though I was not impressed with the coffee shop. Super ridiculous long line to order combined with an insanely long wait for the food. I only had iced tea and a cookie since I didn’t want to wait another hour for a sandwich. What the heck? LOL. It was good to chat with book friends though. The pecan pie cookie was tasty, but I wouldn’t return due to the annoying drive and crazy wait time.

Speaking of books, I read another Victoria Holt novel: Lord of the Far Island. Gave this one four stars for excellent plotting, great characters, and a clever twist. More than one actually. I’m calling this one a mystery for the 2025 Reading Challenge category ~ LOTFI contained several mysteries, so that’s fair. Overall, however, it is probably more accurate to put this book in the romance genre.

I reread Verity by Colleen Hoover for my in-person book club meeting on June 8, but now I'm not sure I can go that day because there might be a grandkid birthday party. We shall see. Anyway, I read Verity a couple years ago and didn't like it, though I don't remember why. I do know I didn't like the beginning, and that opinion remains unchanged. There was simply no need for Lowen to meet Jeremy prior to their meeting at the publisher's office. Why introduce an unnecessary coincidence? After that though, I thought the writing was solid and the story exciting. I truly had a hard time putting down the book! One of the things I loved this go-round is that we really don't know what was true even at the end (and the additional chapter added to the mystery). We have to draw our own conclusions about Jeremy and his wife's behavior before Lowen met them. I am not a fan of multiple "weird" names in a story however ~ Verity is an odd name, so hers should be the only one of that kind. We don't need her kids to also have unusual names, and uhhhh "Lowen?" Too distracting. Nevertheless, I gave it four stars for being such a compelling read. Wish I could remember why I didn't like it the first time.

For my online book club, I read two books so far for May. The first was Those Girls by Chevy Stevens, a psychological thriller. I gave it only two stars. The story was relentlessly violent, and I couldn't relate to the main character, who was a teenager, and later the POV changed to another MC, the first one's daughter, who was also a teen. I dislike reading a teen protagonist unless they're interesting, mature teens, such as those portrayed in Victoria Holt's novels. The contemporary psycho thriller teens act even stupider with respect to men than grown women do in psycho thrillers. I don't want to cringe through an entire book saying "don't do that!" Blech. At least it fit a Reading Challenge category (takes place in summer), so it wasn't a total waste.

Unfortunately, the second book wasn't much better and also received a two-star rating. It was Credence by Penelope Douglas and had a genre-identity crisis throughout. Seems like the author could not decide whether she was writing erotica or a psychological study of a daughter emotionally neglected by her narcissistic parents. Due to this, the book was overlong and repetitive. Again, the MC was a teenager, a sad, spoiled, extremely rich Hollywood girl who immediately takes to life on a ranch and figures out how to fix refrigerators and create clever contraptions for animal feed. Sure, that's all believable. Then there's the fact that this virginal introvert has to seduce the dad and his two sons in extremely vivid and explicit ways because she is so hungry for love. All this seducing takes many pages of narration for each thought and sigh and touch and regret, from multiple POVs. The worst thing is that this book did not fall into any of my Reading Challenge categories, so after slogging through the whole thing, I didn't even get to cross off a box. Tragic!

I have two more books to read for May, plus two "extras" for June ~ that's not counting the actual June reads, which haven't been announced yet. Also, I am happily devouring all the rest of the Victoria Holt books that I can find as I have time in between the book club reads. Needless to say, I haven't been watching much TV or doing any crafts these past couple weeks. Oh, I did paint a sunflower when I was trapped at home last Thursday due to the water guys digging a massive hole behind my car to fix a leak, but it was terrible, so I tossed it immediately.

Gatsby isn't doing well, and I am very sad about that. I'm just trying to keep him as happy and comfy as I can. I know I will miss him so much when the time comes to say our final goodbye, which I think will be soon.

Happy Birthday to My Dad

We never made a huge deal about birthdays when I was growing up, but a special dessert was always on the menu for that night's dinner. My dad was a fan of fudge brownies, so I would usually bake those. He never fussed about a box mix, and he also loved chocolate chip cookies, the standard Tollhouse ones. I am pretty sure I inherited Dad's sweet tooth along with his love of novels and poetry, but then again it's pretty common for humans to to enjoy sugary treats. Some prefer salty/savory, and occasionally that is my snack preference too. Anyway, Dad would have been 95 today (he died 12 years ago, the month before his birthday). He was a good man, and I miss him.

I watched Life or Something Like It last week, a 2002 romcom drama, and I thought it was well done. Angeline Jolie and Edward Norton starred as a type-A reporter and a more relaxed photographer, respectively. Tony Shalhoub played a seemingly crazy street prophet whose strangely coded predictions kept coming true. I watched it on Hulu or Prime (I forget), and I think it's coming to Netflix as well. Catch it if you can!

The Collective by Alison Gaylin allowed me to check off the box for New York (takes place in the state where you were born) on my 2025 Reading Challenge. I gave four stars to this psychological suspense novel for complex characters and a plot that held my attention throughout. This was also the challenge read for my online book club. It wasn't that gory; the challenge was in dealing with the protagonist's visceral emotional reaction to losing a child. It was difficult at times for me, but definitely worthwhile. If you're a person who gets enraged at some of the trite things people say when you're devastated, you may enjoy this book as well. It was a fun fantasy to immerse in a world where anger and revenge were celebrated and not trivialized with some "look on the bright side" crap.

One Day with You by Shari Low fit the Reading Challenge category of taking place in the winter. I gave this contemporary fiction novel three stars, and that was generous. There were no twists, as we knew the whole time who was cheating on whom and simply had to wait tediously for everyone else to discover it and react. What I liked about the story was the fact that it emphasized the complexity of people and that no one is all good or all bad. You can know a person for decades, and their behavior may still surprise you because people's motivations are often both tangled and layered.

The Time of the Hunter’s Moon by Victoria Holt (aka Philippa Carr) satisfied the requirement for "takes place in autumn" on my Reading Challenge (I am over halfway to 100!), and I awarded five stars to this super enjoyable romantic suspense novel. Like most of Holt's books, this story is narrated in first person, past tense by a woman in her late teens who is practical, smart, and courageous. I particularly appreciated that the ending wasn't rushed this time, and even though I personally would not have wanted to be with the man that the MC chose, the conclusion made sense for her.

I also gave five stars to Cordelia Rook's The Crepes of Wrath. I am always down for a fun cozy, and this one delivered all the goods: a murder mystery, witty narration, a cute doggy, suspicious friends, lots of delicious food, and a little romance too. You may remember or know Ms. Rook under another name, but whatever her nom de plume, she always tells a good story.

It's a quiet Saturday for me. I've already done my outside chores of picking up a library book, a few new plants, and groceries for the week, so now my day is free to do whatever. Earlier, I thought of painting, but I don't think I am in the mood now (have a bit of a headache). I've started a new book, so I will continue reading that over the weekend (it's both intense and long), but I need a little break right now. Perhaps I can find a movie on TV...

Happy Hearts Day

As I have mentioned before, I like Valentine's Day ~ in fact, I enjoy it more now post-dating/ romance. I like pink, candy, cupcakes, flowers, jewelry, teddy bears, and all the hoopla. It doesn't bother me one bit that other women have men to give them these things; I buy them for myself, and that way I get exactly what I want. Today, I treated myself to a small heart-shaped box of Dove chocolates (from Target, lol). They were delicious! I am wearing a Pepto Bismol pink sweater, one of my favorite (and dare I say most flattering) colors, and later I'm meeting a friend for a concert at a church in Huntington Beach. A church! I think they will have cookies, hopefully heart-shaped with red crystal sprinkles, or maybe I'm just fantasizing that they will.

I've given up on The Bachelor, and I canceled my Hulu subscription because there is nothing else on that channel I want to watch. I watched the latest bachelor episode on Tuesday, and it was so cringe that I had to turn away and play solitaire on my phone. Everyone seemed so phony and ridiculous. All the emotions appeared contrived and calculated, or they could be viewed that way. It's impossible to tell who is on the show to find true love, and who is on there trying to create an influencer "career," which makes me suspicious of every occurrence of supposedly heartfelt dialog, complete with tears. I can't take it seriously or get invested in the outcome. 

I began watching The Later Daters on Netflix, and that's pretty good. The people seemed real anyway, and their conversations were funny. I don't know if I will continue it though, as I just don't care enough. It's so much more enjoyable to read a book or even rewatch an old favorite movie. The older I get, the more I crave comfort and familiarity, not new things. I don't like new things! Some friends on FB were complaining about random friend requests, and I mentioned how my account is entirely locked down and closed off to new people. Even 154 friends are too many to keep up with, so why would I want more? I have around 2650 followers on Bluesky, most of whom never interact with me in any way and vice versa. I have followed 1700 back, but I created a list of a few dozen favorite accounts and mostly check those not the main feed. Point is, I don't understand why someone would keep their FB account accessible to randos when the settings give you a choice not to. It's like my old WP blog... I have 1000 followers, 2000, 3000! And yet the same dozen or so people interact regularly regardless. Seeing that big number is an ego boost, I guess, though it shouldn't be, since it's meaningless.

I had trouble commenting on WP blogs this week, not that I comment often, but something was glitchy. Whatever. I'm so over social media, except for my book club chats, because everything is politics 24/7. So boring. Speaking of politics, the Huntington Beach City Council has adopted a "MAGA" sign for the Central Library, so after I'm finished with the books I have and return them, I won't be going back there. I picked up a new library card today for the Fountain Valley Library, which is a lot closer to me anyway. The HB "MAGA" is cleverly disguised with different words than you-know-who's MAGA, but it's clearly an homage to him. Barf. This is an example of politics in real life, and my decision on how to react to it, as opposed to reposting useless memes on social media. Some of the memes are hilarious, yes, and I've reposted some over the years (political and otherwise), but how does this add value to my life?

I thought I might want to be part of Bluesky in a big way, but now I'm not so sure. The best thing about it is I that found two old internet friends to reconnect with. That's not a minor thing. I would so much rather nurture ongoing friendships than accumulate gobs of followers who (1) never buy my books, (2) never interact with me, and (3) seem to disappear off the radar once I follow them back.

I am happy and loved this Valentine's Day, and I am thankful for my wonderful family and good friends. My sweet kitty Gatsby is hanging in there and has put back a little weight. It took me a long time to understand that I have a lot of love in my life; it just isn't the romance novel kind of love. And that's OK!

Happy Merry Festivities!

I am pleased to report that I am on a break from work until January 2, woohoo! I do enjoy my job, and my coworkers are cool, but sometimes it's good to take a week or so off. Generally, I just take long weekends; this year though I had some extra days and decided to use them now. I know you are all (all five of you) wondering what exciting events I have planned for this vacation, and I will tell you: absolutely nothing. Yep, it's a stay-cation, and I couldn't be happier about that. I will be spending time with friends and family, and also I will relax by myself to take walks and paint and read and write. Last night, Christmas Eve, was spent obsessively curating a list of 100 books to read in 2025 to conform to a new reading challenge pile of requirements. I still have one blank spot ~ a book with a 25-year-old main character. I have not found any book descriptions so far that give a precise age, but I shall be on the lookout. Suggestions welcomed, but it has to be a new-to-me book, and I have read a lot. I also reserve the right to switch out books pre-reading if I run across better ones for my list. Being frugal, I tried to find a spot for every unread book I currently own (physical or Kindle), plus I tried to find some that are free on Amazon Prime. Some possibly will be available at the library as well.

A couple days ago I finished reading The Landower Legacy, another Victoria Holt gem, and I gave it five stars. Such a good read! It was full of romance and betrayals and scandals and mental illness and bees and all kinds of fascinating stuff. One thing that stands out to me in many of the VH books is how death can come for anyone at any time ~ just like now, of course, except that in our comfortable contemporary Western existence, we can tend to forget this. Contemporary romances are usually too upbeat to mention any deaths, except for all the orphaned protagonists whose parents died in car crashes ages ago. VH books are set in the late 1800s, so death via common illness and/or childbirth is a very real thing. (We may be seeing that again here soon, if certain idiots get their way regarding vaccines.) To be honest, Landower wasn't really a five-star book, but since I have given other enjoyable books four stars, and Holt's best are better than that, it's only fair that they should get five. Most books get three, which (again) I will emphasize is not a "bad" rating; it simply means that I liked the book, but it also had several flaws. Two stars means I didn't like it, and I rarely give one star. If a book is that bad I simply DNF it.

Speaking of. Last night, I started a romance novel on my Kindle: Dance with Me New Year's Eve by Alana Highbury, but it was just too awful to finish. I had high hopes for it too because it had a You've Got Mail type of trope, where the main characters hate each other in real life (they work for the same company and have to collaborate on a project), but they connect very nicely anonymously in a chatroom online due to their mutual love of a TV show. The problem was that the female MC was so awkward, shy, and weird that I just wanted to smack her; the male MC was such a total ahole that I wanted to push him off a cliff. In You've Got Mail, we had lots of opportunities to see the MC's away from their bickering with each other and also away from their computers, so we developed a sense of them as complete people. We didn't get that in DWMNYE, as it was simply relentless awkwardness and assholetry throughout. Online, they weren't that different either! She was still lacking self-confidence and overthinking every word she wrote, while he was abrupt and off-putting. What was the point of all this? Clearly, we are supposed to wait for these unlikeable characters to fall in love and become less annoying, but why? I decided that a better course of action was to DNF this book in disgust.

There's a reason why the hater dater trope is one of my nopes: it's generally executed so ham-handedly that the reader also hates the MC (invariably the man) because he actually is hateful! If the writer wants to portray him with many aspects, s/he needs to actually show those other sides to him. Give him a dog, for crying out loud, like Joe had in You've Got Mail. Anything! But if he is 100% ahole, why would we want the heroine to be with him? This guy, Jeff, was an absolute beast at work (and he wasn't even Roxy's boss, so he should have been told off by higher-ups), and honestly idk if anything else he did could make up for that, not even kindness to animals. There was no reason for him to be such a jerk to Roxy, unless she was supposed to be an unreliable narrator, but I didn't care enough to read on and find out. Though this book hit only two nope tropes before it went DNF, the awkwardness plus hater dater themes were so bad in themselves that I just gave up.

Isn't it interesting that I always have more to say about the books I hate as opposed to the books I love? I guess that's true in general, which is why I used to host the Monday peeve and never did anything like the Friday favorite. Oh, speaking of peeves, I found a way to fix my annoyance at grocery clerks and bank tellers who ask personal questions. Instead of being rude (which I don't really like to do as it isn't their fault they are forced to ask me idiotic things like "are you on your lunch break?"), I don't ignore them or say something grumpy now ~ I turn the question right around on them! I did this yesterday at the bank, and the teller was happy to moan about how she was forced to work half a day on Christmas Eve. I didn't have to say a word about my schedule. Remember: most people would rather talk about themselves given a chance.

I, of course, am not most people. My holiday plans and daily activities must be kept a state secret from clerks and tellers, so I can divulge them on my blog. Today, I plan to play board games and eat (more) cookies with some friends, and Sunday I will be with my family. Hope all five of my readers have a joyful Christmas and/or Chanukah!

Happy National Cookie Day!

Alas, I have not eaten any cookies (yet). I shouldn’t eat cookies anyway, since I’m trying to lose weight, which isn’t going well, though I have been more conscious of choosing healthier options. December is a tough month in that regard, though it wasn’t in the past when I had more willpower and less of a social life. My back feels better today, so there’s no longer an excuse not to be more active, except for laziness. 

I finished my December (in-person) book club novel The Christmas Bookshop by Jenny Colgan, and I hated it. Gave it two stars because… well, idk why. One just seemed too mean. It is the season of joy after all. The first issue with TCB is that I dislike the main character Carmen. She’s annoying and whiny, has caused her own problems by deliberately screwing up her exams so she couldn’t go on to higher education, and now is envious of anyone successful, especially her sister Sofia, who is an attorney married to another attorney. Carmen’s envy consumes her to the point where she refuses to have any relationship with her nieces and nephew (until she does yada). Sofia is irritating too, as is the nanny Skylar, who is just a ridiculous stereotype of a self-obsessed, health food and yoga freak. Sofia’s husband is conveniently absent until the end.

Carmen spends a chunk of the book obsessing over this awful narcissistic writer until she finally sees the light and realizes she’s in love with the nice teacher guy. Of course, a series of stupid mishaps keeps them apart until the very last second when she has to chase after him in a blizzard before his flight back to Brazil or wherever. There’s also a convoluted subplot involving the weird reclusive elderly owner of the bookshop and his secret past of having been fathered by a Nazi prisoner in a POW camp near Edinburgh. What? I don’t know. OK, fine, I just googled Scotland/WW2 and learned some things. It happens!

Last, but certainly not least, is the horrible muddy narrative where at certain points the reader can’t tell whose POV is in play. Head hops abound throughout the book, as if we’re reading one of those Russian novels from last century. Blech. You can tell that I’m just gonna be a bundle of laughs when we discuss TCB at our holiday tea party next week. I’m making egg salad sandwiches, btw.

But then! But then I read this incredibly beautiful and sad Kindle short story called The Princess of Valencia by Susan Straight and gave it five stars. It’s about a mother’s grief after her daughter is shot and killed at school, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking. This is an up close and personal story with the mom reading her daughters’s text messages and remembering events from the near and far past. It’s not linear, which is fine, because neither is grief. 

“We never knew who would shoot us because our sons were camouflaged as our sons.”